Category Archives: wisdom

Falling in love

falling in love with life again

the rawness of the wounds healing

endless possibilities

laid out before me

a return to love

remembrance of my strength

beauty

trust

no need to hustle for my worth

nothing more to prove

I see clearly now

standing naked in the moonlight

surrounded by electricity

sensuality

a lust for life

my appetite returned

no more starvation

a feast upon me

I am whole

feel my passion

I am yours

but never owned

possess me

but don’t control

I am water

grasping can’t hold me

swim beside me

bathe deep inside

soak me into your consciousness

I will be forever

on your mind

you can’t let me go

I am a part of you now

Dear…..

as I rise

I feel your judgement

quietly resenting my release

free from the shackles

that bound me to a much too small life

wings clipped

by a thousand criticisms,

rejections and betrayals

feather by feather

left crippled and afraid

until one day

with nothing left to lose

all dignity lost

I set myself free

my healing has been long

painful

messy

at times ungrounding

all over the place

up

down

moving between moods

like a toddler

and so what?!

I want to feel

all my fucking feelings

I am not afraid

I am a warrior

built for hurricanes

so spare me your judgement

disguised as concern

of how I’m choosing to heal

don’t you worry about me

check your own damn self

I am free

to laugh

to dance

to make love

to relish every single moment

the deliciously sexy ones

the joyful ones

and even the gloriously,

excruciatingly

painful ones

I am rising like the Phoenix

I will not sit down,

shut up

and behave

like a good girl “should”

I will roam free

roaring as loudly as I want

making all the mistakes

that my newfound freedom allows

risking a broken heart

if that’s what it takes to be fully alive

open hearted

vulnerable

fierce

I will not hide behind what is comfortable

safe

allowed

throwing caution to the wind

logic out the window

I will move with my soul’s longing

I will follow my passion

find my bliss

blaze the trail

take the heat

your need to push me down

make me small

diminish my light

is your own fear

holding you back

my awakening scares you

reminds you of what you’ve lost

hiding behind your rules

your safety net a prison

of your own making

put it down and join me

on this exhilarating rollercoaster

we can never know how strong we are

until we flex our muscles

grab hold of our power

our sovereignty

as free wild women

a road less travelled

but the only path to liberation

join me there

Come find me

I want to be your obsession, not your distraction

I want to weigh passionately on your mind and in your heart

I want you to crave me, to look for me in your dreams

I want you to be willing to move mountains to get to me

I want you to hold me so tight my breath catches in my throat

I want you to touch, to savour, to devour every inch of my body and soul

I want you to stand bravely by my side and face all kinds of weather…. storms as well as sunshine

I want to feel adored, safe and cherished

I want you to put your hand in mine and journey with me to higher realms

I want you to protect me… protect us, with unyielding devotion

I want you to hold my tears, not cause them

I want you to tenderly and reverently hold my heart, not break it

I want you to tell me the truth, not bludgeon me with it

I want all of you, not just the shiny parts

I want you to show me all your colours and your shadow and love me in mine

I want a sacred union of trust

I want you to join me in the vulnerable place, mine and yours

I want a cosmic love that transcends time and space

I am waiting

Come find me

Yearning

Painting: “The Yearning” by Carolyn LeGrand

I feel you in the pit of my stomach

I see you in my dreams

Exploring every inch of my soul

Your touch reverberates inside me

Your energy lingers

Causing more yearning

This connection is strong and inexplicable

I want to feel your hands on me

Come through the door and shake me awake

This dream is divine

The truth shatters the illusion

My yearning for you is just a reflection

I see myself in your pain

Open me

Unwrap me from my slumber

Take me

Ravish me

Then set me free.

Layers

“Releasing layers of pain” ~Painting by Sheritta Rogers

A spark of possibility

Exciting wonderment

What lies ahead?

Another layer reveals itself

Beneath the surface 

Sadness for what was

What could have been 

New beginnings illuminate the shadow

Fear, an armouring, folding in

A call to courage 

To remain open hearted

Vulnerable, honest

Like a child

Before the heartbreak of trauma

Authenticity requires trust

Trust is an honour bestowed

Not granted without enquiry

Consistent, generous acts of love

No strings, no ulterior motives

True love feels safe

Like a warm embrace

No benefit of the doubt 

For where there is doubt

There is a reason

No one is entitled to hear our stories 

Trust is a gift of the heart

A sacred invitation 

To meet in the soft vulnerable place

To show up in all our shades

To share our healing 

Holding space for each other

As we journey through the layers of our pain

Surrendering to the flow 

Allowing another to witness our shadow

These are the qualities of a true love story

Worthy of our precious hearts

To run and hide

Is to deny ourselves 

The nurturing of love

Isolation, distraction, shame

Punishment for our hurt

Love is the antidote

Peel back the layers

Uncover the tender spots

Bathe them in forgiveness

Compassion 

Release what no longer serves us…

Holds us back from stepping into the glory of who we are

Our divine essence

Receive the invitation

To open 

To surrender

To allow 

To trust 

Step into the heart space

Risk it all and show up fully

Our gifts are beautiful, unique offerings 

Share them fearlessly

No one loves quite like we do

Let us start with ourselves.

Namaste 🙏

What if….?

“What if we choose love… every. single. time?

What would the world look like then?” ~Jana Joy

What if we love as much as we’re capable of loving, even if it falls short of other’s expectations or needs?

What if our insecurities and fears are the cause of our harmful behaviour and has nothing to do with others?

What if we act out just because we are hurting?

What if forgiveness for all the hurt we cause each other is a blessing that will open our hearts to loving ourselves and others more deeply?

What if we are so desperate to prove our worth by “doing” in order to hide from our feelings of worthlessness that we just can’t see another way?

What if being asked to open our hearts and rise is simply out of our capacity right now?

What if what we truly need is something we can find within ourselves and we don’t need to look to others for it?

What if our suffering is so immense, we just need to hide for a bit to feel safe?

What if we simply lack the skills to navigate through our own painful emotions so cannot hold space for others in pain?

What if we stopped judging ourselves and others for how we show up in our pain and just had compassion instead?

What if we acknowledge we are all doing the very best we can when faced with difficult circumstances?

What if we stopped begrudging ourselves and others what little relief we can find in whatever ways we can find it, even if we don’t agree on each other’s methods?

What if the actions of others, their beliefs, opinions and harsh words have nothing to do with us and are merely reflections of their own heart that may broken, closed or healing from trauma?

What if the same is exactly true for us?

What if our fear of starting over is what causes us to behave in hurtful ways?

What if our true value is no longer defined by others?

What if we just gave thanks for the gifts in our lives that are here because of all the pain we’ve faced and overcome?

What if setting ourselves free is our greatest act of self love and inspires others to do the same?

What if we stopped looking backward and started focussing on all the blessings here, right now, and what is on its way to us?

What if we stopped clinging to old habits, to things, to ideas, to people that only weigh us down and prevent our ascension?

What if we placed all of our attention on the incredible life that awaits us when we let go of the storylines that threaten to destroy us?

What if we remember our divine “why” and followed our hearts instead of our minds?

What if we choose love… every. single. time?

What would the world look like then?

Craving

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

My mind slips into remembrance of your touch

Your gaze…

Intense

Creating a fierce hunger in me

My heart skips a beat

Electricity flows through my veins

Awakening the sleeping passion within me

Tender embrace

Reverence

Gently holding each other

As we move into vulnerability

There is fear beckoning me

I resist the urge to pull away

Back to the safety of my armour

You stand in your truth with such courage

It calls me back

Opens my heart

No need to define this connection

So raw in its intensity

Just allowing the flow of energy to weave its way back to the ocean

To source

No need to build a dam

To block

To hoard

To interrupt what is destined.

This pull is strong

But I remain fluid

I cannot be held by grasping

I can only be bathed in and then released.

I seep into your heart and leave a piece of me

To remind you

I am here

Pure light

Resonating frequencies

Ease and grace my offering

I see you

I feel you so deep within

I hold you in my dreams

May this journey

Bring us closer to truth

Broken hearts

Healing

Trust

Guiding each other home

Let me hold space for your pain

Transforming my own

I am coming back to life

A spark of divinity

Awakening to love

To connection

To purpose

I am fed

But still hungry

I await our next moment

With baited breath

Stand Tall.

We all have greatness in us. We just need to get out of our own way.

In Celebration of 28 Years Clean & Sober

Today I celebrate 28 years clean and sober. I’ll be honest… I sometimes take my sobriety for granted as it’s been my way of life for over half of my life and most days doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment. But this year I really earned it!!!

I’ve been savagely betrayed by someone who was supposed to be my person.

I’ve walked away from a life I spent the past nearly 24 years building.

I’ve left my gorgeous mansion on the hill and am now renting a tiny cottage on a farm in Nelson; and I left most of my belongings behind so I can travel light.

I won’t lie… I woke up today full of terror and despair. Some days it just feels all too much. The universe has thrown nearly every challenge my way this past year and today I’m feeling exhausted and defeated.

BUT, in other news…. my beautiful daughter is well on her way to recovering her lost joy and is finding her passions and discovering her gifts.

My amazing son is happy, healthy and off to University in Auckland and enjoying his new adult life.

I have my precious fur babies back with me and they have been the antidote to my broken heart as nobody loves as deeply and unconditionally as dogs!

I am surrounded by so much love and support from both my soul whanau and even those I don’t know very well or haven’t really connected with in years. The outpouring of love from people far and wide has given me so much nourishment for my soul and hope for the future.

As sad and scared as I am, I also feel such a deep gratitude for this precious life and for all the blessings of the Universe that continue to carry me through this challenging time.

I’ve been presented with so many exciting opportunities to live my dream life and I KNOW that everything that was holding me back, weighing me down and poisoning my spirit needed to be stripped away so I could fly free toward my destiny.

Words fail to express how much I love and appreciate everyone who has supported me through this painful chapter.

You continually prop me up when I am collapsing, slap me silly when I am wallowing in self pity, tell me the truth when I’m lost in victim consciousness, encourage me when I lose my confidence, embrace me when I can’t stop crying, hold loving space for me when I’m enraged and just need to express it out loud, make me laugh out loud when I’m taking it all way too seriously, and when I feel like giving up, you remind me of my purpose and what I’m here to offer to the world.

So, thank you to everyone who has shown up for me this past year and I vow to honour your love by showing up and doing the work so I can live my greatest life and be that guiding light for others as you’ve been for me.

Namaste. 🙏🏻💖✨🥰🕉

Reclaiming My Laugh

“Laughter connects you with people. It’s almost impossible to maintain any kind of distance or any sense of social hierarchy when you’re just howling with laughter. Laughter is a force for democracy.” ~John Cleese

Yesterday I had a realisation…. I’ve lost my laugh. Or rather, I gave it away.

He hated my laugh… the too-loud witch cackle.

I learned to hate my laugh too.

I spent the past 20 years trying to change my laugh. To make it quieter, less annoying, but in the process, I lost it.

Losing my laugh meant I lost my deep capacity for joy. Suppressing my laugh, holding it in my throat, preventing its escape shut down my ability to communicate love.

How dare he take my laugh. How could I have betrayed myself so savagely as to allow him to have it?

It is in the smallest of moments that pieces of ourselves are stripped away. The little comments, criticisms, the rejections along the way….

One day you wake up and don’t recognise yourself. So many pieces missing.

I didn’t know that this isn’t what love looks like.

True love would never take your laugh.

Of all the betrayals, indignities, and disrespect, this one hurts the most.

Today, I am reclaiming my laugh. I will laugh as loud and as deep as the moment calls for, or for no reason at all.

For anyone who cannot revel in my unfettered joy, who lacks the capacity to experience intense emotions, including bliss, has no place in my life!

I will never again betray myself as to dim my light to enable another’s need to hide in the dark.

I am reclaiming all pieces of my soul that were lost, stolen, given away.

This new chapter will begin with getting to know myself again… the woman I abandoned so many years ago.

And it will include so much laughter, I’ll never need to do a sit-up again!

Namaste.

I