All alone with my shadow For far too long I have been swallowed up Only my shadow remains Empty shoes where I used to stand A formless fraud Pretending myself into being Laughing, crying, raging Anything to feel alive So so tired now Yet unable to find solace in sleep Peace evades me I keep getting back up After each knock down I can’t seem to help it My longing for love is greater than my sorrow The seductive void calls to me Trust, trust, trust… My mantra Will the light return? Or have I finally been extinguished? Sweet surrender is where I’ll find my bliss.
“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.” ― Rumi
“When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu
This morning, as I embark on this 53rd trip around the sun, I am filled with so many beautiful and intense emotions.
I am literally in tears…
for all those who have touched my heart and left my life;
for all those who will always remain in my heart that I love so much;
for all the blessings bestowed on me and finally being able to received them all with open arms;
for all the healing work I’ve done these past few years, in particular, that have now led to this fertile and lush garden of bliss;
for all the hurt and betrayal that has really shown me how incredibly strong and brave I am and has actually opened my heart & up-levelled my compassion, making me softer and kinder;
for stepping into a life free from old narratives and negative storylines which used to have me hustling for my worth with crazy busyness and performing;
for releasing from my life all those incapable of seeing past their shadow and meeting me in the heart space;
for having the courage to embrace my shadow and letting the light touch it gently, illuminating where I still need to send some love and tenderness;
for all the amazing opportunities to love deeper, laugh harder, play and dance with abandon, grab hold of my passion with both hands & never letting go, and to be of divine service to all beings;
and for truly trusting that I am loved, supported and blessed.
I just can’t wait to see what the Universe has in store for me next….
What if we love as much as we’re capable of loving, even if it falls short of other’s expectations or needs?
What if our insecurities and fears are the cause of our harmful behaviour and has nothing to do with others?
What if we act out just because we are hurting?
What if forgiveness for all the hurt we cause each other is a blessing that will open our hearts to loving ourselves and others more deeply?
What if we are so desperate to prove our worth by “doing” in order to hide from our feelings of worthlessness that we just can’t see another way?
What if being asked to open our hearts and rise is simply out of our capacity right now?
What if what we truly need is something we can find within ourselves and we don’t need to look to others for it?
What if our suffering is so immense, we just need to hide for a bit to feel safe?
What if we simply lack the skills to navigate through our own painful emotions so cannot hold space for others in pain?
What if we stopped judging ourselves and others for how we show up in our pain and just had compassion instead?
What if we acknowledge we are all doing the very best we can when faced with difficult circumstances?
What if we stopped begrudging ourselves and others what little relief we can find in whatever ways we can find it, even if we don’t agree on each other’s methods?
What if the actions of others, their beliefs, opinions and harsh words have nothing to do with us and are merely reflections of their own heart that may broken, closed or healing from trauma?
What if the same is exactly true for us?
What if our fear of starting over is what causes us to behave in hurtful ways?
What if our true value is no longer defined by others?
What if we just gave thanks for the gifts in our lives that are here because of all the pain we’ve faced and overcome?
What if setting ourselves free is our greatest act of self love and inspires others to do the same?
What if we stopped looking backward and started focussing on all the blessings here, right now, and what is on its way to us?
What if we stopped clinging to old habits, to things, to ideas, to people that only weigh us down and prevent our ascension?
What if we placed all of our attention on the incredible life that awaits us when we let go of the storylines that threaten to destroy us?
What if we remember our divine “why” and followed our hearts instead of our minds?
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