Category Archives: attachment

Because of you…

“The minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.” ~Rumi

You entered my sunlit dreams

offering your heart

so open and warm

I melted into you

So steady and sure

you held onto me

with a strength that calmed my fear

Your devious charm

seducing me

with belly laughs

and innuendo

Your voice

your moans

the way you sigh my name

lights a fire inside me

Throwing caution to the wind

with eyes and hearts open

allowing our souls to find their way back together

We have loved each other

for eons

reconnecting with so much ease

letting the How unfold

as it is meant to

Our illusion of control

destiny laughs at us

no point in resistance

the stars are aligned

My healing heart

bursting open

ready to receive

the magic of you

I want to hide

drawing into myself

you seek me out

pulling me closer

I am braver

because of you

I am stronger

because of you

you are my sanctuary

You lift me up

hold me tight

blow my wings open

launching me free

Always flying back to you

where I belong

tether me

to your heart

Side by side

we journey together

great adventures await us

growing and glowing

You are my forever

my light

my love

always

Surrender

your soulful eyes

light me up

when you stare hungrily at me

your long fingers

stop my ragged breath

as they trail up my legs

your lips

so soft and full of promise

make me wild

with desire

your strong hands

pulling

pushing

grabbing

holding me down

lifting me up

caressing every part of me

your long wet tongue

teasing me

circling around my secret door

making me crazy with anticipation

tell me your secrets

your fears

your dreams

what moves you?

what lights you up?

you move so slow

achingly slow

purposefully

skilfully

watching my rapture

overwhelmed

with so many feelings

so many delicious thoughts

scrambling my mind

words fail me

such intense longing

waking me up

from a lifetime slumber

passion coursing through my veins

I want to taste your essence

worship at your altar

run my tongue all over your body

licking you

swallowing you

devouring you

greedily

as you watch.

take control of me

live out your fantasies

do what you want

with my body

and my heart.

you look at me

like a hungry predator

what do you crave?

tell me how to feed you

take me gently

my love

rougher now

ravish me

our bodies move to the edge

my wanting is fierce

love me

harder…

deeper…

deeper still

I want to feel you

inside every part of me

merging into one

come with me

bask in my garden

sleep in my shade

let me warm your weary spirit

etching my name on your heart

to remind you

of this moment

never forget me

wrap your arms around me

envelop me

possess me

guard me

pretend I am yours

alone

surrender to me

do not resist

I want you

to hold nothing back

I see through your armour

we have loved before

I am yours

for the taking

consume me

quench your thirst

feast on me

fill yourself completely

I am limitless

I am a game changer

altering you forever

releasing you

from all that came before

right here

right now

is all we have…

and all that matters

Falling in love

falling in love with life again

the rawness of the wounds healing

endless possibilities

laid out before me

a return to love

remembrance of my strength

beauty

trust

no need to hustle for my worth

nothing more to prove

I see clearly now

standing naked in the moonlight

surrounded by electricity

sensuality

a lust for life

my appetite returned

no more starvation

a feast upon me

I am whole

feel my passion

I am yours

but never owned

possess me

but don’t control

I am water

grasping can’t hold me

swim beside me

bathe deep inside

soak me into your consciousness

I will be forever

on your mind

you can’t let me go

I am a part of you now

Love me harder

Blinding Painting
By Jonas Kunickas

love me deeper

harder

like never before

journey with me

as we pass through love’s door

there is such mystical beauty

in this union we share

you’ve captured my heart

as I stand before you bare

no hiding in shame

no pretending or fear

I am falling in love

risking exquisite tears

Dear…..

as I rise

I feel your judgement

quietly resenting my release

free from the shackles

that bound me to a much too small life

wings clipped

by a thousand criticisms,

rejections and betrayals

feather by feather

left crippled and afraid

until one day

with nothing left to lose

all dignity lost

I set myself free

my healing has been long

painful

messy

at times ungrounding

all over the place

up

down

moving between moods

like a toddler

and so what?!

I want to feel

all my fucking feelings

I am not afraid

I am a warrior

built for hurricanes

so spare me your judgement

disguised as concern

of how I’m choosing to heal

don’t you worry about me

check your own damn self

I am free

to laugh

to dance

to make love

to relish every single moment

the deliciously sexy ones

the joyful ones

and even the gloriously,

excruciatingly

painful ones

I am rising like the Phoenix

I will not sit down,

shut up

and behave

like a good girl “should”

I will roam free

roaring as loudly as I want

making all the mistakes

that my newfound freedom allows

risking a broken heart

if that’s what it takes to be fully alive

open hearted

vulnerable

fierce

I will not hide behind what is comfortable

safe

allowed

throwing caution to the wind

logic out the window

I will move with my soul’s longing

I will follow my passion

find my bliss

blaze the trail

take the heat

your need to push me down

make me small

diminish my light

is your own fear

holding you back

my awakening scares you

reminds you of what you’ve lost

hiding behind your rules

your safety net a prison

of your own making

put it down and join me

on this exhilarating rollercoaster

we can never know how strong we are

until we flex our muscles

grab hold of our power

our sovereignty

as free wild women

a road less travelled

but the only path to liberation

join me there

Come find me

I want to be your obsession, not your distraction

I want to weigh passionately on your mind and in your heart

I want you to crave me, to look for me in your dreams

I want you to be willing to move mountains to get to me

I want you to hold me so tight my breath catches in my throat

I want you to touch, to savour, to devour every inch of my body and soul

I want you to stand bravely by my side and face all kinds of weather…. storms as well as sunshine

I want to feel adored, safe and cherished

I want you to put your hand in mine and journey with me to higher realms

I want you to protect me… protect us, with unyielding devotion

I want you to hold my tears, not cause them

I want you to tenderly and reverently hold my heart, not break it

I want you to tell me the truth, not bludgeon me with it

I want all of you, not just the shiny parts

I want you to show me all your colours and your shadow and love me in mine

I want a sacred union of trust

I want you to join me in the vulnerable place, mine and yours

I want a cosmic love that transcends time and space

I am waiting

Come find me

Yearning

Painting: “The Yearning” by Carolyn LeGrand

I feel you in the pit of my stomach

I see you in my dreams

Exploring every inch of my soul

Your touch reverberates inside me

Your energy lingers

Causing more yearning

This connection is strong and inexplicable

I want to feel your hands on me

Come through the door and shake me awake

This dream is divine

The truth shatters the illusion

My yearning for you is just a reflection

I see myself in your pain

Open me

Unwrap me from my slumber

Take me

Ravish me

Then set me free.

I am free.

In Celebration of 28 Years Clean & Sober

Today I celebrate 28 years clean and sober. I’ll be honest… I sometimes take my sobriety for granted as it’s been my way of life for over half of my life and most days doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment. But this year I really earned it!!!

I’ve been savagely betrayed by someone who was supposed to be my person.

I’ve walked away from a life I spent the past nearly 24 years building.

I’ve left my gorgeous mansion on the hill and am now renting a tiny cottage on a farm in Nelson; and I left most of my belongings behind so I can travel light.

I won’t lie… I woke up today full of terror and despair. Some days it just feels all too much. The universe has thrown nearly every challenge my way this past year and today I’m feeling exhausted and defeated.

BUT, in other news…. my beautiful daughter is well on her way to recovering her lost joy and is finding her passions and discovering her gifts.

My amazing son is happy, healthy and off to University in Auckland and enjoying his new adult life.

I have my precious fur babies back with me and they have been the antidote to my broken heart as nobody loves as deeply and unconditionally as dogs!

I am surrounded by so much love and support from both my soul whanau and even those I don’t know very well or haven’t really connected with in years. The outpouring of love from people far and wide has given me so much nourishment for my soul and hope for the future.

As sad and scared as I am, I also feel such a deep gratitude for this precious life and for all the blessings of the Universe that continue to carry me through this challenging time.

I’ve been presented with so many exciting opportunities to live my dream life and I KNOW that everything that was holding me back, weighing me down and poisoning my spirit needed to be stripped away so I could fly free toward my destiny.

Words fail to express how much I love and appreciate everyone who has supported me through this painful chapter.

You continually prop me up when I am collapsing, slap me silly when I am wallowing in self pity, tell me the truth when I’m lost in victim consciousness, encourage me when I lose my confidence, embrace me when I can’t stop crying, hold loving space for me when I’m enraged and just need to express it out loud, make me laugh out loud when I’m taking it all way too seriously, and when I feel like giving up, you remind me of my purpose and what I’m here to offer to the world.

So, thank you to everyone who has shown up for me this past year and I vow to honour your love by showing up and doing the work so I can live my greatest life and be that guiding light for others as you’ve been for me.

Namaste. 🙏🏻💖✨🥰🕉

Being my own Valentine. <3

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.” ~Andrea Dykstra

It’s my first Valentine’s Day as a single woman, but I find I’m not as sad as I imagined I would be.

With each painful reminder of betrayal, his and my own, where I abandoned myself, ignored my intuition and my dreams, hid from the truth of my loveless union, I grow stronger in dedication to authenticity.

Accepting a life without true love, honesty, deep connectedness, reverence for truth and loyalty is where I betrayed myself.

Spending so long hiding in another’s shadow, pretending to be happy & fulfilled with all the trimmings of a “successful” life, but feeling misaligned with my values and my Knowing brings me such deep sorrow.

What was I so afraid of that living such a shallow life was a better option?

When did I decide I wasn’t worth being truly loved, protected, supported?

When did I lose the ability to trust?

I don’t believe He took that from me. He only touched an ancient wound, a wound we both share.

My work is clear…. Trust.

Trust in my powerful Knowing…

Trust in the soul contracts I hold with others that were made to ensure my evolution….

Trust that all is going exactly to plan…

Trust that my call to ascension is here, right now.

IT’S GO TIME!

The time for self-doubt, hesitation, not loving and honouring myself is over.

It’s time to embrace my future.

All of the experiences of my life have shown me just how brave and strong I really am.

I am free to design my life exactly as I want… in rainbow glitter and fairy dust.

No more compromise, settling for less than I deserve, agreeing to things I don’t want and that don’t serve my highest good.

No more superficiality, inauthenticity, toxicity…

I get to choose the energy I surround myself with and a life that is aligned with my purpose.

When I release those that weigh me down with projections of their own fear, I have space for my true soul tribe to show up.

To all who have shared my life and brought me to these truths, through both love and betrayal, thank you.

To all who have shown up and loved me through the most painful and scary time of my life, thank you.

To all who remain in my life to share this next exciting chapter, thank you.

To me, for choosing to show up and love myself enough to face my shadow, my fears and open my heart fully, thank you.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I hope you love and spoil yourself today and everyday because you deserve it!

Namaste. ❤