Tag Archives: emptiness

To my younger self….

Dear sweet child,

I know the world feels scary sometimes and it will make you feel chewed up and spit out, as if you were nothing. 

People will reject you, abandon you, betray you. 

You will sometimes feel disappointed, confused by the absurdity of it all, hopeless and heartbroken.

You will sometimes be used and abused and left utterly alone.

It will sometimes feel like there’s a dark, stormy cloud following you around with no light to be found. 

And some days you’ll feel like giving up, laying down your sword and drifting off to the great big beyond. 

But hang on sweet child. Don’t let the darkness swallow you up. 

You have a beautiful light inside you that must be tended to with devotion… honoured, shared.

Let go of all the voices in your head telling you that you are broken, worthless, unloveable… the voices of those who’ve gone before you that never healed themselves and passed their pain onto you, like a torch.

You mustn’t carry it forward. Your work here in Earth School is to put it down… let it go. For it was never yours. 

And remember these words from your older, wiser self:

  • Always listen to your gut, your heart, your spirit team.
  • Don’t worry about making mistakes, looking stupid or being wrong about something. This is how you learn.
  • Never shrink to make others comfortable. Take up space!
  • Never dim your light for those afraid to see. They can buy some fucking sunglasses! 
  • Don’t abandon yourself. ALWAYS have your own back. 
  • Never take the blame or credit for something you didn’t do.
  • Always take responsibility for your actions. Apologise and then do better. 
  • It costs nothing to be kind.
  • It’s better to trust and get hurt, than to live with a closed heart. A closed heart can’t receive love. 
  • People lie and behave badly… and it’s not a reflection of you or your worth. 
  • Rejection is re-direction. Have faith.
  • You are always held and supported by the Universe. Trust it. 
  • You are a unique and precious being. Share your magic with the world.
  • You are made of love and stardust. It took a miracle’s decree to create you. That’s how important you are. 
  • Take care of your energetic diet as much as your physical diet. Both can be healing or toxic. 
  • It’s not being judgemental. It’s being discerning, which is an essential muscle to strengthen.
  • Watch out for fake gurus, coaches and anyone who encourages you to outsource your divinity. Your true guru lives inside you.
  • “No.” is a complete sentence. 
  • If someone thinks you’re too much, let them go find less.
  • Setting boundaries is an act of love. Those who treat it like an act of warfare are precisely why you need boundaries. 
  • It’s better to give from your overflow than your overwhelm. Take good care of yourself.
  • Self care is not selfish. Don’t let anyone convince you it is. 
  • Your soul tribe will get you, so don’t waste your time convincing any one of your worth.
  • And in the words of Dr. Seuss (allegedly): “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter.” You never need to hustle for love. 

Much love from your future self. 😘💖✨

who am i

who am i

when i’m not hustling for worth

not performing for love

***

who am i

when i’m all alone

no one to see me in free fall

***

who am i

without you

speaks more than a thousand i love yous

***

who am i

an existential crisis 

beneath the armour

and storyline

***

who am i 

without your version

telling me what part to play

authenticity replaced by fear

***

who am i

a dream

a mirage

or divine creation

***

who am i

when my needs are met

when my heart is grateful

and my mind at ease

***

who am i 

when rejected

neglected

unmet & unseen

***

who am i 

under all the labels

the opinions of others

raw and vulnerable 

***

i am brave

even when scared

fear is a call to courage

***

i am honourable

even when betrayed

my integrity never falters

***

i am kind

even when faced with cruelty

i see the pain underneath

***

i am generous 

even after being used

i give without strings

***

i am honest 

even when lied to

never having to look over my shoulder

the truth is easier to remember

***

i am hopeful 

even in heartbreak 

love is always the right choice

***

i am forgiving

even when let down

we all show up the best we can

***

i am grateful

even when disappointed

trusting in divine grace 

***

i am at peace

even when surrounded by turmoil

anchored in my be-ing

***

i am strong

even when i feel defeated

showing up when it’s hard

***

i am free

even when i feel trapped

the cage is only in my mind

***

i am light

even when fumbling in the dark

inextinguishable eternally

***

i am your heart 

your mirror 

your challenge

and your beloved

together we are…

forever

If they wanted to…they would.

Oof! This lands hard

But… but… but…

Maybe they’re scared

Maybe they’re busy

Maybe they’re overwhelmed with big feelings

Maybe they’re just not that into you

Maybe you’ve been kidding yourself

Maybe you mistook emotional unavailability for confidence and mystery

The dopamine hit your nervous system is wired for

Maybe you settled for close enough

Because the loneliness felt bitter

Maybe you hoped they’d finally show up

Unarmored, vulnerable

If you just waited longer

Gave more

Gave it all

The thrill of the chase

Intoxicating 

Familiar

A fine distraction from the shadow work you’d rather avoid 

A beautiful dream

Unrequited connection

Can true love exist in a one-sided paradox?

The illusion of safety

Shut-down disguised as strength

Evasiveness disguised as busyness

Avoidance disguised as independence

A side option disguised as friendship

The triangulation you never agreed to

The exit strategy you ignored

Just a figment of your imagination 

The feelings you swallowed because you learned not to trust them

Your overthinking mind and oversensitive heart Wounded by indifference

And a careless hand

Withdrawal and armouring

The only safe harbour

Once again moored in heartbreak 

Christening her Se faire avoir

The real tragedy is hope

Designed to keep you hooked 

The promise of love

Dispensed sporadically

In meagre portions

Inspires craving

But never satiates

A mirage of water

Only to find it’s sand

You drink it anyway

Because you don’t recognise the difference

A deep thirst quenched

By the illusion of love

Such a silly child 

With the broken heart behind a beautiful smile

And a brave spirit

Love is all around you

Unconditionally

Infinitely

Abundantly

You need never hustle for it

For it is your birthright

You only need to let down your armour 

And let it flow through you

You are safe

You are loved

You are supported 

By a force much bigger than dreamt of in your imagination

It resides within you

Untouchable by those who wish to diminish it

You are your own true love

Always and forever ❤️

I Wonder

i wonder if you dream of me

feel me dancing around your consciousness

i wonder if you reach for me in your sleep

do you feel the emptiness

when you wake

i wonder if the thought of me

brightens your day

or does it make the space between us

feel like an ocean

i wonder if you long to feel me

in your arms

in your bed

on the tip of your tongue

i wonder if your heart is open enough

to hold all of me

or is your armour too strong

i wonder if you can remain

in the tears

the fears

and consuming passion

i wonder if the intensity of love

strengthens you

or leaves you overwhelmed

i wonder if you will ever let me in

make space for me

in your heart

or will i always remain

just outside your door

i wonder if you can meet me

in the place of wonder

are you curious about me

about us

of what we could be

i wonder if you yearn to know the why of me

to learn what makes me swoon

what elicits my craving of you

i wonder if i dreamt you up

and you are not really here

just a fantasy

of what could have been

i wonder if i can bring you

to the depths of me

or will you always be

just outside my reach 

i wonder if you will draw me closer

deeper

show me your desire

or keep me hanging

i wonder how long i can chase the shadow of you

before i face the truth

if you won’t let me touch you

i wonder if you will finally

let me go