Monthly Archives: August 2019

The Perfect Couple….. Behind closed doors.

“In your light I learn how to love. In your beauty, how to make poems. You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, but sometimes I do, and that sight becomes this art.” 

~ Rumi

Thousands of moons ago, adorned with flowers and coconuts, our spirits collided in a most delicious way.

I was a child in the art of love…fearful, guarded, sassy.

You were all grown up, seeking to draw out the woman in me.

I left you so many times without your knowing. I would flee into fear during the night and return by morning, renewed in courage.

My mental bags were always packed. This our private joke.

Thousands of sunrises ago, we made the promise to align our paths and share this journey of love… the mermaid and the sailor.

Our love manifested two precious souls completing our little family.

I’ve loved you for nearly half my life, even when I’ve hated you.

You’ve shown me eternal love and patience, even when you’ve hated me.

Respect has never waned…. never deliberately cutting each other’s hearts, taking pieces away.

We leave each other whole, honouring what is sacred within us.

Our passions have brought us together and torn us apart.

You’ve honoured my need to swim away and explore the depths of my spirit, even when you feared I wouldn’t return.

You had faith I would return…. renewed, whole.

You’ve cherished me, tended to my wounds, encouraged my awakening.

I‘m reminded of the words of Rumi

“Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames.”

You fan my flames. For this I will always be thankful.

Your strength and steady patience is my aspiration.

Your integrity is limitless. Your beauty awe-inspiring.

What seeds I must have planted to enjoy the splendour of your love….

I dedicate myself to always be worthy.

In ignorance, we’ve abandoned each other in moments of need.

Tantrums (always mine), anger, isolation, icy rivers separating us.

We’ve endured…. prevailed, grown stronger.

Every day I choose you. Every day I love you more and more.

Every day I aspire to love you with all the love that exists in the universe.

Many days I fail you. Some days we fail each other.

Life often gets in the way of our great love. We forget how rare and precious it is.

We choose distraction and worry… gratitude nowhere to be found.

But we always find our way back to each other.

Our commitment to this love is made again and again.

That’s the secret to everlasting joy…

To wake up and decide each morning to show up, be fully present and bask in the glory of love.

Our divinity will carry us into our next lives together, forever and ever.

Happy anniversary, my love.

Your crazy-ass wife, Jana 💝

Much ado about donuts!

Last night, as our hosts here in Tonga were serving up warm, homemade donuts for dessert, I thought to myself, “Why not treat myself? I’m on holiday!”

But before I broke my 7 month run being completely sugar-free, I had another thought that stopped me in my tracks… “On holiday from WHAT?? Taking loving, nurturing care of my body?” Where did I get the ridiculous idea that junk food is “treating” myself… that gorging on completely nutrient-free food will enhance my holiday somehow? When has feeling like crap because of eating crap food ever been fun? Where did this brainwashing come from?

It comes mainly from Big Foods and their clever marketing tactics that we’ve been exposed to since birth! Combine that constant onslaught of manipulation with the scientifically proven rush of dopamine we get in our brains when we eat sugar, and it’s damn hard to resist! No wonder world-wide obesity rates have risen to epidemic levels! Just look at the sugar content in our foods today. It’s shocking!!

So, to cut a long story short, I chose to refrain from eating the donuts… not because donuts are inherently bad, but because I know that once I had a taste of sugar, my inner sugar monster would have emerged and I would have had as many donuts as I could grab without appearing incredibly greedy and rude.

I chose to deal with the discomfort of craving, which only lasted a few minutes anyway. I chose the more lasting happiness that I enjoy from being really fit, healthy and strong. The very temporary pleasure I would have received from indulging in my craving would have then led to guilt and shame FAR more uncomfortable than the initial craving. And chances are, my craving wasn’t even for the donut. It’s far more likely that the slight feeling of uneasiness that was coming up that I wanted to move away from, such as being in a social situation with people I’ve just met and feeling shy and unsure of myself, was really at play here.

Whenever I pause for a moment and investigate the “why” underneath my cravings, I invariably find an emotional issue that food will never be able to solve. Yet I’ve been programmed to believe that the donut, cookie or lollie will somehow fend off the uncomfortable feelings.

This is what I need to remember when I’m faced with craving anything that doesn’t nurture me. I must look for the true motivation behind the craving and train in sitting with the discomfort. This is how my resilience muscles get stronger. This is where I will find lasting peace and happiness.

So, next time you’re faced with strong cravings, what will you choose?

May you always choose to nurture your body, mind and spirit and take loving care of yourself, because you deserve it!

Namaste. 🙏🏻💖