Tag Archives: gratitude

Falling in love

falling in love with life again

the rawness of the wounds healing

endless possibilities

laid out before me

a return to love

remembrance of my strength

beauty

trust

no need to hustle for my worth

nothing more to prove

I see clearly now

standing naked in the moonlight

surrounded by electricity

sensuality

a lust for life

my appetite returned

no more starvation

a feast upon me

I am whole

feel my passion

I am yours

but never owned

possess me

but don’t control

I am water

grasping can’t hold me

swim beside me

bathe deep inside

soak me into your consciousness

I will be forever

on your mind

you can’t let me go

I am a part of you now

Love me harder

Blinding Painting
By Jonas Kunickas

love me deeper

harder

like never before

journey with me

as we pass through love’s door

there is such mystical beauty

in this union we share

you’ve captured my heart

as I stand before you bare

no hiding in shame

no pretending or fear

I am falling in love

risking exquisite tears

Power of touch

a sleeping sensual energy

has been awakened

a longing for touch

connection

resurrection

running my hands down my arms

slowly up my legs

around my soft belly

my breasts

my hips

over each hand

trailing down my waist

massaging my ass

my thighs

my tender button

loving them wholly

inviting pleasure

moving down to my feet

pressing into the soreness

a delicious ache

going deep

sacred touch to please my senses

blissful release

reverence for this beautiful vessel

taking my time

honouring every part of my body

offering gratitude

seeking forgiveness

for the neglect of youth

insecurity

judgement

this temple

my sanctuary

possessed by no one

offered only to those

strong enough to stand in my beauty

my powerful essence

my blinding light

I shine even brighter

embracing my too-muchness

my spirit

my curves

as I touch myself

stroking my body

I am infused with love

admiration for this divine machine

that serves me with devotion

no matter the carelessness

the disrespect

veneration through caress

sublime massage

healing touch

inviting the power of sensuality

by feeling into my body

quenching her thirst

feeding her craving

soft flowing movement

sweet surrender

I am whole

I am magnificent

I am love

Come find me

I want to be your obsession, not your distraction

I want to weigh passionately on your mind and in your heart

I want you to crave me, to look for me in your dreams

I want you to be willing to move mountains to get to me

I want you to hold me so tight my breath catches in my throat

I want you to touch, to savour, to devour every inch of my body and soul

I want you to stand bravely by my side and face all kinds of weather…. storms as well as sunshine

I want to feel adored, safe and cherished

I want you to put your hand in mine and journey with me to higher realms

I want you to protect me… protect us, with unyielding devotion

I want you to hold my tears, not cause them

I want you to tenderly and reverently hold my heart, not break it

I want you to tell me the truth, not bludgeon me with it

I want all of you, not just the shiny parts

I want you to show me all your colours and your shadow and love me in mine

I want a sacred union of trust

I want you to join me in the vulnerable place, mine and yours

I want a cosmic love that transcends time and space

I am waiting

Come find me

What if….?

“What if we choose love… every. single. time?

What would the world look like then?” ~Jana Joy

What if we love as much as we’re capable of loving, even if it falls short of other’s expectations or needs?

What if our insecurities and fears are the cause of our harmful behaviour and has nothing to do with others?

What if we act out just because we are hurting?

What if forgiveness for all the hurt we cause each other is a blessing that will open our hearts to loving ourselves and others more deeply?

What if we are so desperate to prove our worth by “doing” in order to hide from our feelings of worthlessness that we just can’t see another way?

What if being asked to open our hearts and rise is simply out of our capacity right now?

What if what we truly need is something we can find within ourselves and we don’t need to look to others for it?

What if our suffering is so immense, we just need to hide for a bit to feel safe?

What if we simply lack the skills to navigate through our own painful emotions so cannot hold space for others in pain?

What if we stopped judging ourselves and others for how we show up in our pain and just had compassion instead?

What if we acknowledge we are all doing the very best we can when faced with difficult circumstances?

What if we stopped begrudging ourselves and others what little relief we can find in whatever ways we can find it, even if we don’t agree on each other’s methods?

What if the actions of others, their beliefs, opinions and harsh words have nothing to do with us and are merely reflections of their own heart that may broken, closed or healing from trauma?

What if the same is exactly true for us?

What if our fear of starting over is what causes us to behave in hurtful ways?

What if our true value is no longer defined by others?

What if we just gave thanks for the gifts in our lives that are here because of all the pain we’ve faced and overcome?

What if setting ourselves free is our greatest act of self love and inspires others to do the same?

What if we stopped looking backward and started focussing on all the blessings here, right now, and what is on its way to us?

What if we stopped clinging to old habits, to things, to ideas, to people that only weigh us down and prevent our ascension?

What if we placed all of our attention on the incredible life that awaits us when we let go of the storylines that threaten to destroy us?

What if we remember our divine “why” and followed our hearts instead of our minds?

What if we choose love… every. single. time?

What would the world look like then?

Craving

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

My mind slips into remembrance of your touch

Your gaze…

Intense

Creating a fierce hunger in me

My heart skips a beat

Electricity flows through my veins

Awakening the sleeping passion within me

Tender embrace

Reverence

Gently holding each other

As we move into vulnerability

There is fear beckoning me

I resist the urge to pull away

Back to the safety of my armour

You stand in your truth with such courage

It calls me back

Opens my heart

No need to define this connection

So raw in its intensity

Just allowing the flow of energy to weave its way back to the ocean

To source

No need to build a dam

To block

To hoard

To interrupt what is destined.

This pull is strong

But I remain fluid

I cannot be held by grasping

I can only be bathed in and then released.

I seep into your heart and leave a piece of me

To remind you

I am here

Pure light

Resonating frequencies

Ease and grace my offering

I see you

I feel you so deep within

I hold you in my dreams

May this journey

Bring us closer to truth

Broken hearts

Healing

Trust

Guiding each other home

Let me hold space for your pain

Transforming my own

I am coming back to life

A spark of divinity

Awakening to love

To connection

To purpose

I am fed

But still hungry

I await our next moment

With baited breath

Stand Tall.

We all have greatness in us. We just need to get out of our own way.

I am free.

In Celebration of 28 Years Clean & Sober

Today I celebrate 28 years clean and sober. I’ll be honest… I sometimes take my sobriety for granted as it’s been my way of life for over half of my life and most days doesn’t seem like much of an accomplishment. But this year I really earned it!!!

I’ve been savagely betrayed by someone who was supposed to be my person.

I’ve walked away from a life I spent the past nearly 24 years building.

I’ve left my gorgeous mansion on the hill and am now renting a tiny cottage on a farm in Nelson; and I left most of my belongings behind so I can travel light.

I won’t lie… I woke up today full of terror and despair. Some days it just feels all too much. The universe has thrown nearly every challenge my way this past year and today I’m feeling exhausted and defeated.

BUT, in other news…. my beautiful daughter is well on her way to recovering her lost joy and is finding her passions and discovering her gifts.

My amazing son is happy, healthy and off to University in Auckland and enjoying his new adult life.

I have my precious fur babies back with me and they have been the antidote to my broken heart as nobody loves as deeply and unconditionally as dogs!

I am surrounded by so much love and support from both my soul whanau and even those I don’t know very well or haven’t really connected with in years. The outpouring of love from people far and wide has given me so much nourishment for my soul and hope for the future.

As sad and scared as I am, I also feel such a deep gratitude for this precious life and for all the blessings of the Universe that continue to carry me through this challenging time.

I’ve been presented with so many exciting opportunities to live my dream life and I KNOW that everything that was holding me back, weighing me down and poisoning my spirit needed to be stripped away so I could fly free toward my destiny.

Words fail to express how much I love and appreciate everyone who has supported me through this painful chapter.

You continually prop me up when I am collapsing, slap me silly when I am wallowing in self pity, tell me the truth when I’m lost in victim consciousness, encourage me when I lose my confidence, embrace me when I can’t stop crying, hold loving space for me when I’m enraged and just need to express it out loud, make me laugh out loud when I’m taking it all way too seriously, and when I feel like giving up, you remind me of my purpose and what I’m here to offer to the world.

So, thank you to everyone who has shown up for me this past year and I vow to honour your love by showing up and doing the work so I can live my greatest life and be that guiding light for others as you’ve been for me.

Namaste. 🙏🏻💖✨🥰🕉

Being my own Valentine. <3

“In order to love who you are, you cannot hate the experiences that shaped you.” ~Andrea Dykstra

It’s my first Valentine’s Day as a single woman, but I find I’m not as sad as I imagined I would be.

With each painful reminder of betrayal, his and my own, where I abandoned myself, ignored my intuition and my dreams, hid from the truth of my loveless union, I grow stronger in dedication to authenticity.

Accepting a life without true love, honesty, deep connectedness, reverence for truth and loyalty is where I betrayed myself.

Spending so long hiding in another’s shadow, pretending to be happy & fulfilled with all the trimmings of a “successful” life, but feeling misaligned with my values and my Knowing brings me such deep sorrow.

What was I so afraid of that living such a shallow life was a better option?

When did I decide I wasn’t worth being truly loved, protected, supported?

When did I lose the ability to trust?

I don’t believe He took that from me. He only touched an ancient wound, a wound we both share.

My work is clear…. Trust.

Trust in my powerful Knowing…

Trust in the soul contracts I hold with others that were made to ensure my evolution….

Trust that all is going exactly to plan…

Trust that my call to ascension is here, right now.

IT’S GO TIME!

The time for self-doubt, hesitation, not loving and honouring myself is over.

It’s time to embrace my future.

All of the experiences of my life have shown me just how brave and strong I really am.

I am free to design my life exactly as I want… in rainbow glitter and fairy dust.

No more compromise, settling for less than I deserve, agreeing to things I don’t want and that don’t serve my highest good.

No more superficiality, inauthenticity, toxicity…

I get to choose the energy I surround myself with and a life that is aligned with my purpose.

When I release those that weigh me down with projections of their own fear, I have space for my true soul tribe to show up.

To all who have shared my life and brought me to these truths, through both love and betrayal, thank you.

To all who have shown up and loved me through the most painful and scary time of my life, thank you.

To all who remain in my life to share this next exciting chapter, thank you.

To me, for choosing to show up and love myself enough to face my shadow, my fears and open my heart fully, thank you.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. I hope you love and spoil yourself today and everyday because you deserve it!

Namaste. ❤