It violently sweeps everything out of your house,
so that new joy can find space to enter.
It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart,
so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place.
It pulls up the rotten roots,
so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow.
Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart,
far better things will take their place.”
― Rumi
Today I awoke breathless
My heart trying to beat through vice-like grief
Choked by tears
A call to the abyss
A voice asks me why
Why take that next breath
That next step
I know not why
I just know I must
I am lost
Adrift at sea
Rudderless
My heart is broken
But still loves
The loss is immeasurable
Yet there is relief in loss
Once a hostage to bitterness
Betrayal after betrayal
Left me an empty shell
Rage giving way to numbness
Busyness my costume
Hiding my dying spirit
Leaving was no longer a choice
But a necessity
My heart does not choose to beat
It just knows that it must
My body was carried away
And dropped into my deepest shadow
The pull to sink into the abyss was so powerful
So seductive
I could almost taste the relief
But I swam
With a ferocity I scarcely recognised
The heart finds a way to beat
No matter the grief
I must continue to breathe now
To love
As if my life depends on it
Because it does
I will open the dam
And let all the tears fall
I will allow the sea of loss
To flow over me
Through me
Around me
Until I am buoyant
Saturated by all the love that exists
My heart will beat
My lungs will breathe
Whilst I sit with my sadness
Trusting in the process
Of transformation
I am being re-birthed
And it fucking hurts!
janajoy.com - Mystic Offerings 