Tag Archives: self-care

THE SHEDDING

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Looking up at the Autumn leaves

With their shades of gold, fiery red and orange,

I sit in awe and wondering

Does the tree mourn the loss of so many pieces of itself?

As the leaves fall

Reflecting on all my lost parts

Were they ever truly lost?

Or were they shed to make space for something more beautiful, 

More vibrant

More whole?

Holding on so tightly 

Resisting the release of these dying layers

Forgetting the wisdom of the trees

Who know that their renewal in the Spring requires this shedding

Trusting that I will grow anew 

That I am making space for new versions of my spirit to reveal itself

Trusting in the sacred process of death and rebirth

Essential for the evolution of all living things 

Each death a divine remembrance

A returning to Source

Each new blossom 

Offering a renaissance

An awakening

A transmission of wisdom

Held reverently within each cell

I need only surrender

To the agony of loss

My heart breaking open

As love comes rushing in

Filling the cracks

Allowing an unfurling

Breathing in the light and transforming it to food for the soul

Standing tall

Rooted deep into the Earth

Swaying majestically in the wind

Moving with the storms 

Bending but not breaking

Resting quietly in the cold

Holding the warmth of the Summer sun in my being

Trusting that I am fulfilling my purpose

That I am an essential part of the sacred geometry of life

Trust

Truth

Suffering and Bliss 

What leaves can I release to the shedding?

The old stories, 

The untruths that run on a loop

The dying parts that need to be sacrificed to create a sacred container 

In which to nurture my rebirth

A new dream

And way of being

Allowing my destiny to emerge

To let go

And receive.

A Wing and a Prayer

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“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” ~Rumi

As another year comes to a close, I am astounded that I’m still standing.

So many times I have been knocked down and struggled to get up. So many times I wanted to just give up. So many sleepless nights fraught with anxiety and rage. So many fantasies about eternal sleep.

Then I am gifted with a powerful message from the Great Sphinx of Giza. I am called to her… to lay my hands on her and receive her ancient wisdom….

“REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. When you remember how powerful and precious you are, there is nothing to fear. When you remember your divinity, all feelings of not being good enough, of not being worthy of love will fall away. Stand strong in truth & integrity and know that you are loved, protected and valued beyond measure.”

As I received these words, I broke down and sobbed. I cried for my younger self who endured so much suffering at the hands of others. I cried for all the abuse I inflicted on myself because of the very wrong ideas that sprang from this suffering that told me I am unworthy of love.

I cried for all the years I spent hustling for my worth in doing, doing, doing trying to prove I had value at the expense of my physical and emotional health.

Those lost to their own sense of worth will never see it in another, so spending my life trying to seek that validation from others was a fool’s errand. Our value is inherent…. The choice to hand that power over to another wounded soul seems silly to me now. How lost and misguided I was.

Now is the time for reclamation.

As I reflect on my recent experiences in Egypt, I am profoundly grateful for the powerful message from the Sphinx and the call to courage bestowed upon me.

I am exhausted and overwhelmed but I am clear on my mission and trust that I am fully supported and capable of navigating whatever challenges come my way.

I leave you with these words:

“Go at it boldly, and you’ll find unexpected forces closing round you and coming to your aid.”

~William Benjamin Basil King.

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

The Beautifully Ugly Truth

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The past few birthdays have brought a reckoning for me.

I’m usually found crying, raging, or both. Each year I fall into a pit of despair and self pity. And then an epic existential crisis unfolds….

Why am I here?

What is the point of it all?

What have I accomplished that has any real value?

Am I truly loved?

How can I truly love others if I don’t love myself?

Did I fail as a mother, a wife, a friend?

Did I take more than I gave?

Did I sacrifice too much for safety and security?

Did I waste my life by not following my own dreams?

And on and on it goes….

But these breakdowns always precede the breakthroughs.

When I feel my heart breaking, I lean in and then pivot.

I allow my heart to break… wide open.

Now is the time for courage…

For releasing the false truths that bind me to suffering….

For trust.

For dreams to unfold.

No more shame inducing toxic positivity.

No more ego driven pursuits.

No more resistance to vulnerability.

No more meeting bitterness with bitterness.

In hating my enemy, I have become my own worst enemy.

I will stand up for truth and honour… WITH truth and honour.

I will not be reduced by the ancient storylines of trauma, my own or another’s.

I will feel all the feels and express them openly and unapologetically.

I’m no longer interested in false bravado for image’s sake.

My strength and resilience are the truest gifts of suffering.

My strife has been my greatest ally….

A faithful servant no matter how much I rage against it.

I am in the arena getting my ass kicked.

That is what I signed up for in this life.

I chose the path of the warrior.

Some days I quiver and fall apart, but I always get back up and get back in the arena.

Why? Well… this quote by Brene Brown says it best….

“I want to be in the arena. I want to be brave with my life. And when we make the choice to dare greatly, we sign up to get our asses kicked.

We can choose courage or we can choose comfort, but we can’t have both. Not at the same time.

Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.

Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.

A lot of cheap seats in the arena are filled with people who never venture onto the floor. They just hurl mean-spirited criticisms and put-downs from a safe distance.

The problem is, when we stop caring what people think and stop feeling hurt by cruelty, we lose our ability to connect. But when we’re defined by what people think, we lose the courage to be vulnerable. Therefore, we need to be selective about the feedback we let into our lives.

For me, if you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked, I’m not interested in your feedback.”

Brené Brown, Rising Strong

Many blessings, Jana ✨💠✨

Forgiveness – The Antidote

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Today I was despairing over the realisation that forgiving someone, whose continuing actions of general douchebaggery knows no bounds, was simply outside my wheelhouse.

I was then reminded by my gorgeous and very wise sister, Lisa, that perhaps the work is to forgive myself.

Truth bomb! 💣

Of course this needs to come first.
If I can’t do this for myself, there is no way I can forgive anyone else.

I must find a way to forgive myself for the part I played in this clusterfu€k of a situation.

For my wilful ignorance…
For giving away my power…
For trusting someone who is simply untrustworthy…
For ignoring all the red flags because they got in the way of what I wanted…
For selling my soul for a false sense of security and the illusion of stable ground under my feet…
For choosing ease and comfort
over courage.

And in the spirit of full transparency, I admit that my fu€king ego liked the status and luxury this new life afforded me.

I was sick of the hustle and the struggle.
So I made what I thought was the “safe” choice over the many braver choices available to me.

I could never regret the choice
I made, however, as it brought two extraordinary humans into the world that I love and treasure
more than life itself.

But the reckoning has come.
It’s time to take this sword away that consistently hangs over my head by finding the courage to face the truth that I chickened out.

That I clung to all the carefully constructed lies he told because it was easier than facing the truth, which would’ve required me to leave much sooner than I did.

Instead I chose a superficial life over a more authentic and connected one.


I chose quantity over quality.

So… where to from here?

I guess this public confession is as good a place to start as any.

I know that shame can only live in darkness, in secrecy, so saying it out loud is the most potent medicine I can apply to the oozing wound of distain that has been festering in my heart these past too many years.

They say resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
Insanity at its finest!

So there it is.
My shame, my sadness, my intense desire to release all the cords of disappointment and betrayal that keep me psychically tied to this poisonous union.

One day soon, I hope that I will find forgiveness in my heart so that I can set myself free.

Only I hold the keys to my liberation.

I once chose the gilded cage and now it is time to choose freedom.
To choose trust over fear,
courage over comfort,
forgiveness over judgement.

To choose love above all else.❣️

Forgiveness

affirmation, amends, attachment, awakening, blessings, compassion, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, gratitude, grief, growth, happiness, healing, health, Inspiration, letting go, life, light, love, open hearted, Overcoming challenges, powerful, prayer, rage, relationships, releasing, resilience, shame, strength, suffering, Transformation, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability, Wellness, wisdom, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

forgiveness

such a sweet, tender gift

we give ourselves

lost in blame,

shame and bitterness

we lose our capacity for love

love cannot flourish

when hatred is present

contempt blocks and binds

our spirits

embrace the sadness

that lies beneath our sacred anger

a broken heart

is an open heart

savour the blessings

of pain

our greatest teacher

see our hurt

mirrored by others

do not hold tightly to suffering

do not curl up with it

like a warm blanket

that comforts and soothes

rather it obscures

a sticky illusion

trapping us

preventing our ascension

there is no bounty in grasping

clinging to righteousness

which leaves our hands full

unable to receive love

there is much work to do

to unravel what is ours to hold

and what to hand back to another

release what is not yours

there is no bypass

no avoidance offered

the only way past

is through

sit with the discomfort

learn the art

of beautiful boundaries

an act of love

for ourselves and others

hold your truth

and another’s

with compassion

both are messengers

delivering wisdom

do not get lost in the storylines

the symptoms

the excuses

journey within

seek the source

the ancient scar

that sits beneath our anger

where do we need to heal

to apply the medicine of love

release fear

so we can forgive

find the wound

touch the tender sadness

hold ourselves in a gentle embrace

no judgement

of how we choose to heal

pain is a sacred invitation

a gift of the heart

lean in

let go

allow love to transform

move freely

like a powerful tide

ebbing and flowing

nourishing

in the words of Sarah Blondin:

“breathe

be

receive

breathe

be

receive

breathe

be

receive”

🙏🏻

Follow your Bliss

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“Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls.”

~Joseph Campbell.

Can you feel bliss knocking at the door of your soul?

You’ll feel it knocking as the sun shines on your face

As the gentle breeze blows across your skin

As you melt into strong arms, hugging you tightly

As you fold into cozy blankets in your soft cloud-like bed on a chilly night

As you sit in front of a roaring fire feeling its warm glow

As you stare deeply into the eyes of your beloved

As you feel your heart open wide to all the bliss in the universe

As you stroke the soft fur of your pet

As you sit quietly in meditation

Watching the gorgeous pink sky as the sun rises

And the golden orange radiance as the sun sets

As you gaze in wonder at the starlit sky

And the rising of the orange harvest full moon

Feeling your beautiful baby squeeze your finger and smile for the first time

The feeling of your baby sleeping peacefully on your chest

Listening to the sound of waves crashing on the shore

The nourishing feeling of warm soup on a cold Winter’s night

That first flush of infatuation

Then falling madly in love

The joy of deep belly laughs

Of dancing wildly

The peacefulness of laying on the earth amongst the trees

The satiated bliss after an orgasm

The cold, crisp, blue skies in Autumn

And the red, gold and orange leaves before they fall to the ground

The newborn lambs in Spring as they hop around the paddock with pure joy

The delicious slumber after a good cry

The glorious relaxation of a head massage

The sweetness on your tongue after the first bite of your favourite dessert

What brings you bliss?

Gratitude is knocking at the door….

Will you let it in?

Sacred Mirror

awakening, blessings, bliss, connection, energy, experience, freedom, growth, happiness, healing, Inspiration, joy, life, light, love, lust, magic, open hearted, passion, powerful, relationships, releasing, sex, strength, Transformation, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability, wisdom, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
“This is a subtle truth. Whatever you love, you are.” ~Rumi

a tapestry of trauma

tiny moments

a cruel word

a rejection

a dismissal

an unmet need

a disrespected boundary

small betrayals

a lack of courage

the tiny puzzle pieces

finally came together

I saw the truth of you

the truth of me

a sacred mirror

I inflicted these traumas on myself

not having my own back

saying yes, when I meant no

rejecting my own needs

disrespecting my own boundaries

dismissing my own dreams

following you

when you didn’t know how to lead

betraying my divine feminine

for your unhealed masculine

we met in our shadows

I choose the light

meeting my sacred mirror

but in healed union

will set our souls ablaze

for when the cosmos aligns

the ecstasy begins

Shadow

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All alone with my shadow
For far too long
I have been swallowed up
Only my shadow remains
Empty shoes where I used to stand
A formless fraud
Pretending myself into being
Laughing, crying, raging
Anything to feel alive
So so tired now
Yet unable to find solace in sleep
Peace evades me
I keep getting back up
After each knock down
I can’t seem to help it
My longing for love is greater than my sorrow
The seductive void calls to me
Trust, trust, trust…
My mantra
Will the light return?
Or have I finally been extinguished?
Sweet surrender is where I’ll find my bliss.

Abundance is abound…. ❤️💎❤️

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“When you realise there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” ~Lao Tzu

This morning, as I embark on this 53rd trip around the sun, I am filled with so many beautiful and intense emotions.

I am literally in tears…

for all those who have touched my heart and left my life;

for all those who will always remain in my heart that I love so much;

for all the blessings bestowed on me and finally being able to received them all with open arms;

for all the healing work I’ve done these past few years, in particular, that have now led to this fertile and lush garden of bliss;

for all the hurt and betrayal that has really shown me how incredibly strong and brave I am and has actually opened my heart & up-levelled my compassion, making me softer and kinder;

for stepping into a life free from old narratives and negative storylines which used to have me hustling for my worth with crazy busyness and performing;

for releasing from my life all those incapable of seeing past their shadow and meeting me in the heart space;

for having the courage to embrace my shadow and letting the light touch it gently, illuminating where I still need to send some love and tenderness;

for all the amazing opportunities to love deeper, laugh harder, play and dance with abandon, grab hold of my passion with both hands & never letting go, and to be of divine service to all beings;

and for truly trusting that I am loved, supported and blessed.

I just can’t wait to see what the Universe has in store for me next….

Abundance is abound. Watch this space!

Namaste ❤️💎❤️

Enraptured

attachment, awakening, blessings, bliss, connection, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, gratitude, growth, happiness, healing, health, joy, letting go, life, light, love, lust, magic, open hearted, Overcoming challenges, passion, powerful, relationships, releasing, resilience, sex, soul tribe, strength, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability, wisdom, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,
Artwork by Jen Shearer

I dared you not to fall in love with me

You took that dare

I conquered your heart in a single moment

You enraptured me at first touch

I get lost in the intensity of your grasp

You hold me with such reverence

I am mesmerised

By your hypnotic gaze

I long for you after only a moment’s absence

I crave you like an addict

You see all of me

Raw

Naked

Vulnerable

Heartbroken

Rapturous

Silly

Clumsy

Dancing

Spinning madly

So in love with you

You made me feel safe again

No longer afraid to speak my truth

Take up space

Make some noise

Express my hunger

Expose my shadow

I show you my warrioress

My tenderness

My fear

My weariness

You stand with courage

Consistent

Never flinching

Nor retreating

I don’t scare you

Because your heart is strong,

wide open

Ready to receive my love

The brutal betrayals

Broke my heart wide open

Showing me what love isn’t

The scattered pieces have come together

In a tapestry of divine truth

Trusting you was easy

Your kindness a beacon

I have always loved you

In your arms is like coming home

Your heart my sanctuary

Sexy adventures await us

Fun and belly laughs

Lusty moments

Dreamy quietude

Stepping beyond our comfort zones

Abundant bliss our reward

Living out loud

Strong alone

Indestructible together

Devouring each other under a starry sky

Let me crawl inside you

Forever connected

Spellbound

I am hopelessly captivated by you

The distance no match

For destiny always finds a way

Take my hand, my love

Our future awaits