Category Archives: Transformation

If they wanted to…they would.

Oof! This lands hard

But… but… but…

Maybe they’re scared

Maybe they’re busy

Maybe they’re overwhelmed with big feelings

Maybe they’re just not that into you

Maybe you’ve been kidding yourself

Maybe you mistook emotional unavailability for confidence and mystery

The dopamine hit your nervous system is wired for

Maybe you settled for close enough

Because the loneliness felt bitter

Maybe you hoped they’d finally show up

Unarmored, vulnerable

If you just waited longer

Gave more

Gave it all

The thrill of the chase

Intoxicating 

Familiar

A fine distraction from the shadow work you’d rather avoid 

A beautiful dream

Unrequited connection

Can true love exist in a one-sided paradox?

The illusion of safety

Shut-down disguised as strength

Evasiveness disguised as busyness

Avoidance disguised as independence

A side option disguised as friendship

The triangulation you never agreed to

The exit strategy you ignored

Just a figment of your imagination 

The feelings you swallowed because you learned not to trust them

Your overthinking mind and oversensitive heart Wounded by indifference

And a careless hand

Withdrawal and armouring

The only safe harbour

Once again moored in heartbreak 

Christening her Se faire avoir

The real tragedy is hope

Designed to keep you hooked 

The promise of love

Dispensed sporadically

In meagre portions

Inspires craving

But never satiates

A mirage of water

Only to find it’s sand

You drink it anyway

Because you don’t recognise the difference

A deep thirst quenched

By the illusion of love

Such a silly child 

With the broken heart behind a beautiful smile

And a brave spirit

Love is all around you

Unconditionally

Infinitely

Abundantly

You need never hustle for it

For it is your birthright

You only need to let down your armour 

And let it flow through you

You are safe

You are loved

You are supported 

By a force much bigger than dreamt of in your imagination

It resides within you

Untouchable by those who wish to diminish it

You are your own true love

Always and forever ❤️

I Wonder

i wonder if you dream of me

feel me dancing around your consciousness

i wonder if you reach for me in your sleep

do you feel the emptiness

when you wake

i wonder if the thought of me

brightens your day

or does it make the space between us

feel like an ocean

i wonder if you long to feel me

in your arms

in your bed

on the tip of your tongue

i wonder if your heart is open enough

to hold all of me

or is your armour too strong

i wonder if you can remain

in the tears

the fears

and consuming passion

i wonder if the intensity of love

strengthens you

or leaves you overwhelmed

i wonder if you will ever let me in

make space for me

in your heart

or will i always remain

just outside your door

i wonder if you can meet me

in the place of wonder

are you curious about me

about us

of what we could be

i wonder if you yearn to know the why of me

to learn what makes me swoon

what elicits my craving of you

i wonder if i dreamt you up

and you are not really here

just a fantasy

of what could have been

i wonder if i can bring you

to the depths of me

or will you always be

just outside my reach 

i wonder if you will draw me closer

deeper

show me your desire

or keep me hanging

i wonder how long i can chase the shadow of you

before i face the truth

if you won’t let me touch you

i wonder if you will finally

let me go

New Moon Ruminations 🌚 

there is a tenderness in my heart 

that feels like it’s breaking

***

breaking apart or breaking open

feels like the former

not the latter

my tears a baptism

***

my life is a blessing

this sadness feels like ingratitude

shame and surrender

***

i think too much

this i know for sure

i feel too much

a gift and a curse

***

craving and distrusting love

concurrently

***

enjoying solitude

longing for companionship

***

loving my sanctuary

wishing to find my home

in another’s heart

***

yearning for the intimacy

that only comes with navigating conflict

facing life’s myriad challenges together

***

my nervous system is wired for betrayal

and often forgets how to breathe

***

no one to save me from myself

i am my own champion 

tired of holding back the storm

already proven my strength 

***

will i find a soft landing in another

finally rest in the sanctity of union

to hold sacred

each other’s hearts

***

confusion feels like plunder

indifference like rejection

am i too fragile for this game

***

retreat feels safer

the armour battle-worn 

too heavy to carry

too edgy to put it down

***

raw

weary

i still believe in love

despite it all

***

hope springs eternal

and anticipation stirs within me

is my person still coming 

or already here

Is it you?


Art: “Leaning Lovers” by Julia Watkins

i dreamt of you

you came gently

yet with force

*

you disarmed me

undressed me

held me naked and raw

*

you caught me

as i tried to run

reminding me

that i was safe

*

your strength

your passion

your laugh

intoxicate me

*

you hold me tight

whispering love in my ear

playing melodies with my heart

i sing out for you

*

time and distance our enemy

a great loss on the horizon

destiny laughs at my fears

are you mine to keep

*

am i brave enough

to stand still in the magic

as it reveals our future

*

i am yours for the taking

will you claim me

or drift away in a dream

*

a great love awaits me

this i know for sure

i feel you in the ethers

*

is it you

finally you 

forever you

Feel Into Me

can you feel me

dancing around the edges of your consciousness

drawing you into my portal

*

pulsating

vibrating 

dissolve into me

*

no form

no shadow

no past

only love

*

open to me

let me swim in your waters

deep inside you

drowning in your essence

*

are you ready to catch me

pull me into you

breathe me in

i am your oxygen 

*

feel into me

waking you up

drawing you out

breaking you open

*

are you ready

to receive all of me

unbound by logic

free of fear and restraints

*

i am a force

a powerful wave

consuming you

as you surf through me

*

hold onto me

with steady hands

and fierce devotion

*

protect my heart

through intense storms

and blissful sunshine

*

feel into me

i am yours

if you dare

take me all the way

to forever

The Wanting

Art: “Desire” by Peter Lik

i want to awaken your wolf instincts

that lie just beneath the surface

of your gentlemanly ways

*

i want you to cherish me by day

and ravish me by night

*

i want to stoke the fire inside you

as you burn through me

*

i want to calm your mind

and worship your body

quench your thirst 

and satisfy your hunger 

*

i want to love you

unyieldingly

voraciously

intentionally

make you wild

and reckless

*

i want to be your peace

your muse

and obsession

*

i want to invoke your savage

release your lust

untamed by desire

surrender fully

*

tether me

bound by truth

and passion

that breaks me open

*

you are my treasure

and torment

attached by craving

liberated by devotion 

*

i want you

to wrap me in your strength

stand beside me

unflinchingly

enchantingly 

protectively 

*

love is fierce and fragile

steady and fleeting

a dream and a promise

that made the wait worth it

*

are you finally here?

INTO THE FIRE

~Art by Pieer Luigi Bertig
“Heart (heart on fire)” 2024

my heart ablaze 

you are both fire

and elixir

*

steadying me

when i’m spinning

holding tight

as i surrender 

leading me 

back to you

*

desire grows stronger 

as your lips

wrap around each word

and stirs my devotion 

your consistent presence

feels like a potion

 *

eyes misty with fear

a cautious heart

peeling back the layers

revealing my scars

you feel like safety 

*

such risk in trust

intrepid and free

captivated by you

a free fall into eternity

*

love without cruelty

love as sanctuary

love that soothes and burns

synchronously

*

time is fleeting

and furiously fast

stand still with me

blissful pleasure and peace

you feel like home

*

i stand before you

in raw naked truth

are you ready to catch me

in infinite embrace

*

aspirations of great love

that nourishes

without consuming

that inspires

without capture

that devours

and empowers

without limits

*

claim me

voraciously

unflinchingly

reverently

*

are you the one

or just a delicious dream

i hope to never awaken from

COMING UNDONE

my heart

shattered in pieces

unrecognisable

broken open

*

the fight of my life

freedom comes at a cost

but my soul is not for sale

*

feeling alone in union

is its own kind of prison

swallowed up in another’s orbit

powerless and afraid

*

breaking free was my salvation

a new world opened

a different kind of terror

*

my broken heart

displayed on the altar

proof I had the courage to love

a testament of faith

*

years of battle

finding my voice 

discovering my worth 

beyond the hustle for validation

*

aging in reverse

freed from the burden of a life

not meant for me

too small to contain my spirit

*

love without strings

love that feels like freedom

love that opens the heart

and quiets the mind

love without cruelty

love that gives more than it takes

*

my ravaged heart

once emptied by thieves

now ravished by love

full

content

whole

*

seeing only bliss 

where once was fear

harmony

where once was chaos

liberation

where once was captivity

*

blessed beyond measure

loved and held sacred

in divinity and pleasure

*

coming undone

rebuilt anew

every cell of my being

activated

by the magic of you. 

*

THE SHEDDING

Looking up at the Autumn leaves

With their shades of gold, fiery red and orange,

I sit in awe and wondering

Does the tree mourn the loss of so many pieces of itself?

As the leaves fall

Reflecting on all my lost parts

Were they ever truly lost?

Or were they shed to make space for something more beautiful, 

More vibrant

More whole?

Holding on so tightly 

Resisting the release of these dying layers

Forgetting the wisdom of the trees

Who know that their renewal in the Spring requires this shedding

Trusting that I will grow anew 

That I am making space for new versions of my spirit to reveal itself

Trusting in the sacred process of death and rebirth

Essential for the evolution of all living things 

Each death a divine remembrance

A returning to Source

Each new blossom 

Offering a renaissance

An awakening

A transmission of wisdom

Held reverently within each cell

I need only surrender

To the agony of loss

My heart breaking open

As love comes rushing in

Filling the cracks

Allowing an unfurling

Breathing in the light and transforming it to food for the soul

Standing tall

Rooted deep into the Earth

Swaying majestically in the wind

Moving with the storms 

Bending but not breaking

Resting quietly in the cold

Holding the warmth of the Summer sun in my being

Trusting that I am fulfilling my purpose

That I am an essential part of the sacred geometry of life

Trust

Truth

Suffering and Bliss 

What leaves can I release to the shedding?

The old stories, 

The untruths that run on a loop

The dying parts that need to be sacrificed to create a sacred container 

In which to nurture my rebirth

A new dream

And way of being

Allowing my destiny to emerge

To let go

And receive.

A Wing and a Prayer

“Try not to resist the changes that come your way. Instead let life live through you. And do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?” ~Rumi

As another year comes to a close, I am astounded that I’m still standing.

So many times I have been knocked down and struggled to get up. So many times I wanted to just give up. So many sleepless nights fraught with anxiety and rage. So many fantasies about eternal sleep.

Then I am gifted with a powerful message from the Great Sphinx of Giza. I am called to her… to lay my hands on her and receive her ancient wisdom….

“REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. When you remember how powerful and precious you are, there is nothing to fear. When you remember your divinity, all feelings of not being good enough, of not being worthy of love will fall away. Stand strong in truth & integrity and know that you are loved, protected and valued beyond measure.”

As I received these words, I broke down and sobbed. I cried for my younger self who endured so much suffering at the hands of others. I cried for all the abuse I inflicted on myself because of the very wrong ideas that sprang from this suffering that told me I am unworthy of love.

I cried for all the years I spent hustling for my worth in doing, doing, doing trying to prove I had value at the expense of my physical and emotional health.

Those lost to their own sense of worth will never see it in another, so spending my life trying to seek that validation from others was a fool’s errand. Our value is inherent…. The choice to hand that power over to another wounded soul seems silly to me now. How lost and misguided I was.

Now is the time for reclamation.

As I reflect on my recent experiences in Egypt, I am profoundly grateful for the powerful message from the Sphinx and the call to courage bestowed upon me.

I am exhausted and overwhelmed but I am clear on my mission and trust that I am fully supported and capable of navigating whatever challenges come my way.

I leave you with these words:

Go at it boldly, and you’ll find unexpected forces closing round you and coming to your aid.

~William Benjamin Basil King.

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