Tag Archives: marriage

New Moon Ruminations 🌚 

there is a tenderness in my heart 

that feels like it’s breaking

***

breaking apart or breaking open

feels like the former

not the latter

my tears a baptism

***

my life is a blessing

this sadness feels like ingratitude

shame and surrender

***

i think too much

this i know for sure

i feel too much

a gift and a curse

***

craving and distrusting love

concurrently

***

enjoying solitude

longing for companionship

***

loving my sanctuary

wishing to find my home

in another’s heart

***

yearning for the intimacy

that only comes with navigating conflict

facing life’s myriad challenges together

***

my nervous system is wired for betrayal

and often forgets how to breathe

***

no one to save me from myself

i am my own champion 

tired of holding back the storm

already proven my strength 

***

will i find a soft landing in another

finally rest in the sanctity of union

to hold sacred

each other’s hearts

***

confusion feels like plunder

indifference like rejection

am i too fragile for this game

***

retreat feels safer

the armour battle-worn 

too heavy to carry

too edgy to put it down

***

raw

weary

i still believe in love

despite it all

***

hope springs eternal

and anticipation stirs within me

is my person still coming 

or already here

The Wounding

“Your word travels the entirety of space and reaches my cells which are my stars then goes to yours which are my light.”

~Frida Kahlo

I thought my heart irrevocably broken

That I would never again feel whole

Each shattered piece

Piercing

Bleeding

A hurt so intense

I thought I might die

When you kiss my wound

It stings

The delicious pain

Of being brought back to life

Will I ever trust again?

Betraying myself

Trying to love someone too broken to receive it

Am I too broken now to receive your love?

I sprinkled my wounds

With fairy dust and sparkles

Pretended to be fierce

Beyond reach

To those who sought to harm me

The same who once claimed to love me

Still…

The arrow got through

My armour disguised as enlightenment

True love doesn’t require an armouring

Does it?

But what do I know of true love…

I only know betrayal

Lies and deceit

Frost bite

Disguised as affection

Abandonment

Disguised as support

Bullying

Disguised as protection

And then you come along

Tending to all my wounds

With such delicate care and devotion

So gentle and reverent

You hold my heart

Tenderly

I push you away

Again and again

Yet you remain steadfast

And dedicated

Courageous and strong

Afraid of losing you

I ran away

Before another wounding

Another devastating loss

That would surely destroy me this time

We were destined

To find our way back together

To traverse this love

This life

Hand in hand

Healing each other

Along the way

I can shed my heavy armour

Finally

You remind me

Of who I am

Underneath all the wounds

Of my strength

My courage

My capacity for love

You know heartbreak and betrayal

Intimately

Yet you love with such stubborn loyalty

Showing me my heart is safe in your hands

I thought I knew what love was

I had every exact detail written in stone

What a fool I was

Loving and embracing

each other’s and our own perfect imperfections

Trusting each other to hold our vulnerability

A life of

Intense soul shifting passion

Deep belly laughs into the wee hours of dawn

Blissful sleep wrapped in each others arms

Sexy adventures

Sharing our hopes and dreams

Our pain and fears

Growing in truth

Falling deeper in love

Every single day

Challenging each other to

Evolve

Transcend

Release stale versions

Of who we became

After so much wounding

I have finally found my home

In you

In us

And I am here to stay.