Category Archives: Inspiration

’TIS THE SEASON….. OF ROAD RAGE.

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BabyFingerCard

“If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man’s life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility.”  ~ Henry Longfellow ~

The holiday season is among us and I’ve really started to feel the amped up anxiety in the air.  Everyone (myself included) is running around just trying to get everything done.  The only excited energy is coming from the kids.  For the rest of us adults, we’re just stressed. 

With this added stress, I’ve noticed the road rage increasing.  Just yesterday, I was driving exactly the speed limit through town as there are cops and speed cameras everywhere with their radar out and a zero tolerance.  I had this guy behind me driving right up my bum.  He was so close I was afraid he’d hit me.  He suddenly jerked his steering wheel to the right and crossed the center line to pass me, barely escaping a head-on collision.

As he was passing, I could see he was screaming at me and giving me the Finger.  The intense rage was all over his face.  For the first time ever, my initial response was not one of indignant anger.  It was actually a feeling of sadness.  I was overcome with compassion for this man who was obviously deeply unhappy.  His suffering must be so great, he could do nothing other than vent it out to everyone around him.  The passenger in his car was a woman who was also clearly unhappy and fearful.  He went on to tailgate and dangerously pass several cars in front of me.  I sent him as much loving energy as I could and hoped they got home safely.

I was suddenly profoundly aware of my knee-jerk compassion response and felt quite uplifted.  It was honestly a first for me.  In the past, I’ve been able to get to the compassion… eventually, but it was never my first reaction.  When faced with an angry bully, I usually go unconscious and mirror that hostility back.  Having this opportunity to see my own growth and an opening heart, was such a wonderful gift of awareness.

I encourage you to look for opportunities to give the gift compassion to others this holiday season.

Blessings, Jana

FROZEN IN FEAR

Inspiration

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I can not remember the last time I was actually frozen in fear.  I wonder if it’s ever actually happened.  I’ve felt fear, sometimes enormous fear, but it has never paralyzed me before. 

A few weeks back I was working on my book proposal, which I foolishly thought would be so easy.  I thought writing the book would be the challenge.  The part where I had to really sell myself and my book idea is where I got completely stuck.  I was suddenly gripped with a debilitating fear that told me I had no business writing a book!  Who was I to think I had anything valuable to say or contribute to the world?!  I was really kidding myself!  No one would ever want to publish my silly, little book!  Thoughts like these continued to swirl in my head, growing ever larger and louder. 

Other people’s well-meaning comments came through as well.  I received comments such as: “Well, it’s a long shot, so don’t get your hopes up;” and “I’d wait a few years and see if you can build a bigger audience with your blog first;” and my favorite, “Yeah….good luck with that (insert sarcasm here)!”  All of these comments were telling me to be more “realistic.”  I made the decision right then and there to scrap the whole project.

Instead of feeling relief, I was flooded with despair.  I spent about a week wallowing in self-pity.  Then, one morning, I woke up and asked myself when I had ever turned my back on a challenge?  When had I ever allowed other people’s opinions to dictate the direction of my journey?  The answer is never…and I wasn’t about to start now!

I sat down to write my proposal and it was shaky at first.  The words weren’t exactly flowing out of me.  I pushed through, knowing from experience that if I just kept writing, the words would eventually come… and they did.  I submitted the proposal and spent the rest of the day frantically checking my email for confirmation from Hay House that it had been received.  Late in the afternoon, I got their email, which said they got it.  It was then that I realized I had been holding my breath all day.  I let out a big sigh of relief.  I had done it. 

The reminder here is that FEAR IS A LIAR and I must always take action, no matter what!  How to determine which voice is fear and which is intuition?  Fear is the screamer.  Intuition never yells.

PRAYER AND MEDITATION

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DogMeditating

Prayer and affirmation is the act of asking, wherein meditation is the act of listening, of quieting down the mental noise which we allow to distract us from listening to our Source.  First, I set a positive motivation, asking for what I want, being clear that my wanting comes from a place of love and not from a place of ego.  If I am seeking to please others so they will love me, or trying to prove I’m worthy, I know this is not a pure motivation.  If necessary, I re-set my intentions and then sit in meditation, allowing space for whatever needs to come forward.  If I don’t stop talking, I cannot hear.  Active listening is allowing, as opposed to waiting to speak, which is just ego thinking that what it has to say is so much more important.  One of the greatest acts of love is to listen to others, giving them your complete and undivided attention, without interruption.  Allowing others the space to communicate their feelings is a beautiful gift.  Meditation is the act of gifting yourself this space.

GRASPING JOY

Inspiration

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To experience being truly connected to my source energy and, therefore, all of creation, brings me peace. It is only when I’m not tapped into that flow that I experience anxiety, depression and loneliness. When I allow the flow, I find it impossible to feel anything other than supreme joy.

So why would I ever choose to return to a state of blocked energy, feeling cut off and alone? The answer is simple….habit. There’s an odd sense of security and comfort in the familiar, even when it’s toxic. There’s an illusion of control when I’m doing the habitual thing.

Another reason is that we often cling to those fleeting moments of joy for fear they’ll disappear. When we don’t recognise these moments as our natural state, instead seeing them as rare and precious, we become fearful of losing them. It’s like holding water in your hand. When you clench your fist to grasp the water, it slips away. We greedily cling in an attempt to hoard the good feeling, and in our desperation, we lose it.

The trick is to just allow it to unfold and accept it as our natural state of being. In this allowing we experience more moments of peace until this becomes the new habitual practice.

FREEDOM FROM SHAME

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freedom

In my desire to be free from shame and remove all the self-limiting beliefs I have about myself, I need to peel the layers of delusion and uncover the truth.

I spent the first half of my life living in a state of fear and fantasy.  I was always running away from what I perceived to be my lack of value.  Deep down, I truly believed I was unworthy of love, flawed, broken, unrecoverable.  I hid these feelings behind lies and bravado.  I thought if I could convince others I was strong, independent and confident, eventually it might come true.  What I didn’t realise at the time was that in my dishonesty, I was creating more shame, which led to more fear, which led to more dishonesty.  I was caught in vicious cycle that seemed to have no way out.  I would never find the freedom I craved until I stopped bullshitting myself and came clean.

In order to begin this process, it was important to find the source of all these mistaken ideas. I began with my resentments.  They serve as a rich guide, as I tend to resent in others what I most need to acknowledge in myself.  When I took a cold, hard look at these, my patterns became very clear.  I learned some painful truths about my behaviours and expectations.  I saw that I was looking to others to fulfil my need to feel safe, secure and loved.  Others’ behaviour had to meet unreasonable and unattainable levels of perfection and when they didn’t, a judgement was rendered and a resentment was created.  I was wildly creative in my narrative, both to myself and anyone who would listen.  My powers of rationalisation are extraordinary.  Couple that with a robust story-telling ability, and a “truth” was born.  When I tell these truths long enough, they become fact, lodged in concrete, rigid. 

Exploring my resentments from a place of rigorous honesty and non-judgement, with the intention of uncovering my true essence, took an act of courage and a giant leap of faith… faith that once I see who I really am, underneath all the fear and lies designed to protect my ego’s stronghold over my life, I will find a magnificent being, pure in energy and love. 

Through this exercise in honest awareness, I was liberated from my secret shame and a magnificent, authentic being is what I found, with joy right behind.

Are you hooked?

health, Inspiration, love, Uncategorized

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Acceptance is the releasing of the need to control.  I accept that I have little, if any, control over the initial thought or the instinctive reaction to that thought.  Meditation teaches me that the act of keeping all thoughts from coming is damn near impossible!  I don’t endeavour to keep the thoughts from coming.  My only goal is to slow down the mechanism to a point where I can see more clearly what is happening in my mind and body.  The discipline is to let the thoughts pass by and not attach anything to them.

It’s the same when I’m faced with a hurtful comment from someone or I see or hear something that causes me discomfort.  My initial reaction feels like a tightening in the stomach. In Tibetan this is called shenpa, a hook that triggers our habitual tendency to shut down, close off.  I cannot prevent that initial tightening, as it seems to happen automatically.  What I can control is what comes next.

I notice the lurch or hooked feeling, I then use it as a path to awareness of what is actually happening.  The truth being that my ego has been hit with sniper fire.  I can choose to let it pass through, causing no lasting damage.  Or I can hold it inside me, letting it become inflamed and infected, causing all kinds of trauma.

There was a time when I would always choose to hold onto it.  I would place all my attention on it until it became debilitating, a form of self-punishment I believed I so richly deserved for all my failures.  Today I know better and I choose to let it go.  It really is the easier, softer way.

LETTING GO OF “WHAT IFS”

Inspiration, life

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I believe a lot of suffering comes from the “What-If” complex and the subsequent feelings we attach to those thoughts of…. “What if I can’t afford to pay my mortgage or put food on the table?  What if my partner leaves me?  What if I’m not good enough?  What if I don’t get my needs met?  What if I fail at something I really want to do?  What if I end up looking like a fool in front of everyone?  What if I make all this effort and still don’t get what I want?  What if I go blind?  What if my children get hurt or die?  What if I lose everything?”

What if I stopped torturing myself with “what ifs”??

Allow your negative thoughts to pass by, like clouds in the sky, noticing them, but not attaching any judgment or feeling to them.  By allowing them to pass on by, they leave no imprint whatsoever and, therefore, cause no suffering.

REVELATIONS

health, Inspiration, life, Uncategorized

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Yesterday, I went for a Thai massage at the recommendation of my husband.  This was no fluffy spa massage though.  Not to say there is anything wrong with fluffy massages aimed at relaxation.  They have their place and I love them.  However, this massage was more therapeutic in nature.  This gorgeous, itty-bitty Thai woman with enough strength in her hands to rival a lumberjack found spots of immense blockages (read: pain) that took my breath away.  I had to use all my powers of concentration to breathe through it as she worked away at what sounded like walnuts being crushed.  I used my meditative skills to imagine this incredible energy coursing through all the blockages in my body, and enveloping us both.  During this meditation, I was suddenly hit with a revelation; but first, a little background….

Earlier in the year, I began to have what I called vision attacks, along with high blood pressure spikes.  I immediately dove straight into fear at all of the horrible possibilities these symptoms might represent.  When I looked online, all the sites came up with stroke, heart attack and brain tumour, with the advice to seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY!  Even though I know better, I got quite swept up in the fear of it all.  As you might imagine, all my symptoms got dramatically worse and more frequent, eventually landing me in hospital for numerous tests over the course of a few days.  The tests showed nothing wrong, whatsoever, with my heart and brain and I was discharged.  My symptoms continued for several months and more were added to the mix.  I continued to focus on these “events” and requested more tests, desperate to find the problem.  Unfortunately, in my quest to find the problem, I was creating more of the problem.  Whenever I place my attention on something, whether positive or negative, the energy around that grows exponentially, which is exactly what was happening here.

I’ve always believed that all health issues are created by an imbalance in the mind/body, and I was wracking my brain to figure out where my imbalance was.  I was seeing an acupuncturist, well known for his incredible diagnostic abilities, meditating regularly, adding and eliminating things from my diet and talking incessantly about it in the hopes someone would have some ideas I hadn’t thought of.  I was also doing grounding energy work and exercising regularly, but was still having all these “negative” and uncomfortable symptoms.  At the same time, I was also experiencing an unprecedented and amazing flow of creative energy with my writing.

I recall now that all of this started after I had begun engaging in the practice of opening my heart to the universal energy flow, while also fully accepting my gifts as a mystic.  When I acknowledged that I have the ability to see people, clear through to their true essence, to identify what lies beneath the surface and what’s behind their behaviours, the flow of energy coursing through me became quite intense.  Then it hit me during my massage.  What I deemed “negative” symptoms of a possible health problem was simply my energy shifting toward a higher vibration, but out of fear and old habits, I put up blocks.  It is these blocks which are causing all of the uncomfortable symptoms. I’m certain of it.  It’s kind of ironic, actually, that when I acknowledge my mystical ability to “see,” I suddenly lose clear sight.  I understand now that the early initial events were just my energy shifting toward a higher plane. However, in my fear and ignorance, I interrupted the current, which created and then exacerbated the symptoms until they were debilitating.  So it stands to reason that if I created all the blocks, I have the power to remove them. I’ve also noticed lately that when I’m writing and the creative flow is strongest, my blood pressure rises and my breathing changes.  To think…all these months of worry and it turns out to actually be the extraordinary gift of creative manifestation.  If I stop resisting, embrace my gifts, and remove the blocks, my energy and general well-being will return to its perfect state.

So, as of this moment, I will no longer place my attention toward fear.  I will focus only on embracing and liberating the divine energy of my source, allowing it to flow through me, completely unrestricted and free.  This is the path to absolute balance and clear vision.

Blessings.

The Power of Choice

Inspiration

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Since my teenage years, I’ve been aware of my amazing powers of choice.  When I made a decision to do something, I did it.  When I decided to move out of my parent’s house at 17, even though I didn’t have a job, I did it.  I had to sell everything I owned to make rent, but it still counts.  When I decided to move to Europe at 18, everyone said I would never be able to do it.  After all, I had no money.  I got a live-in nanny job so I didn’t have to pay rent, saved my money and moved to France.  At 23 when I decided to get clean and sober, once again, most everyone I told didn’t believe it would last very long, that I lacked the discipline.  It’s been over 21 years now and I haven’t touched alcohol or drugs.  When I decided to move in with my boyfriend of 3 months, a lot of people doubted my choice.  “I give it a year, max!”  is what I heard.  I later married that boyfriend and we’re coming up on our 16th wedding anniversary. When I decided to go back to school and get a Bachelor of Science degree, at first I told myself I was crazy.  I was a total science dummy.  It was always my weakest subject at school.  But, I shook off the self-doubt and became determined to finish.  I not only got my diploma, but I graduated with highest honours.  When I decided to quit smoking, for the hundredth time, I was filled with dread for I had been conditioned by society’s belief and my own experience that it would be a nightmare, filled with intense cravings, grouchiness, weight gain, and all the other fun “truths” about nicotine withdrawal.  Then I learned that none of these truths were fact.  They were simply true because I believed them to be.  What if I chose not to have any of those unpleasant symptoms?  What if I believed it would be easy?  I chose that belief and, guess what?  It was easy.  It’s been 3 years and I haven’t had a single craving for a cigarette, I didn’t gain any weight, and didn’t feel a moment’s deprivation.  That’s when it was really driven home that I possessed an incredible power to choose my reality.

I mention all this, not to brag, or to convince anyone that I’m unique, but as a reminder to myself that I can do or have anything I choose.  It’s important that I use this power in a positive way.  It’s so easy to make decisions about myself or my life that are self-defeating.  It’s taken me years and years of practise to gain the confidence I now have in my powers of choice.  I know now, without a shred of doubt, that I choose my reality.  Everything in my life is here because of a choice I made somewhere along the way, either consciously or unconsciously, in this or previous lives.  “But what about the starving children in Africa or the victims of genocide and war?  They didn’t choose that!”, my little voice of self-doubt tells me.  Well, I can’t speak to that as it’s not my current reality.  I was blessed to be born into a life free from these horrors.  However, I do know that by using these stories of world events or the stories of my own personal tragedies in order to gather evidence to support the idea that I am a victim of my circumstances, serves no one.  It doesn’t help me, nor does it put me in a position to help others.

You’ve probably heard the old expression, “Be careful what you wish for…for it will surely happen.”  Well, it’s true.  I create my own story, my own reality.  If I put my energy toward a goal…something I want, it will absolutely manifest in my life.  This is fact.  I’ve proven it time and again to myself.  If I put my energy and thoughts toward doubt, fear, anger or lack, I will produce more of this in my life….manifest destiny.  What I focus on will increase exponentially.  If I place my focus on all the rational, legitimate reasons why I can’t have or do something, then this will be my reality.

What I find curious, is the clinging to negativity we seem to be constantly engaged in.  I clung so tightly to the many negative beliefs I had about myself and I spent a lot of time looking for validation of these truths… and I was proven right every time.  Why was I so determined to reinforce these negative ideas?  It just goes to show how powerful our thoughts can be.  The rationale behind affirmations and mantras is to program your thoughts and energy toward something positive.  I tried this with very little success.  The essential piece, I later found out I was missing, was generating the feeling as if it were already true.  When I recite an affirmation or mantra, but the little seed of doubt is hiding in the shadows, it simply doesn’t work.  If I can imagine what it would feel like if what I wanted to believe or create was already a reality, and intensify that feeling until my vibration matches my imagination, then it does manifest.  I no longer need faith in the power of this practice because I’ve already proven it to myself to be fact.

Today, I choose to spend my energy focusing only on the incredible abundance in my life, and I continue to be astonished as I watch it grow by leaps and bounds.  My wish is for everyone to experience this acute awareness of their own powers of choice and tap into this magnificent energy that will change their lives and, thus, change the world.