My Bubble Has Burst!

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“Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ~Jim Morrison

For the past few years, during my meditations, I have been working with the imagery of me sitting within a vibrant pink bubble. Within my bubble I am safe and radiate love and serenity.

Whenever I am faced with an external situation that threatens to burst my bubble, I imagine the skin of my bubble thickening to withstand all the poking and prodding. This practice usually works a treat and I am able to return to my centre, to solid ground.

These past couple of months have been a huge test of my bubble strength. My bubble has been unmercifully beaten upon and last week, it burst…spectacularly!

I was thrust into a swirling vortex of pain, mistrust and uncertainty. The depths of the betrayal and vitriol was shocking and overwhelming. It’s not so much this particular situation that is to blame, but the wounds it uncovered of so many old betrayals.

I was genuinely surprised at the level of suffering I was experiencing. I’m usually able to pull out of a downward spiral before crashing to the ground by applying any one of the many tools I’ve accumulated over the years.

Intellectually I know not to take this recent event personally. I know that the behaviour of others is a reflection of their inner world and has nothing to do with me. I understand karma and accountability and always strive to enquire as to what my part is…. what the lesson is that I need to learn.

This time is different. Why? Perhaps because of my higher than usual levels of exhaustion and stress, and also the constancy in which I’ve been engaged in this particular issue has simply exceeded my endurance capabilities. I know everyone in the world is suffering to lesser or greater degrees than me and I should strive to be more grateful for all the blessings in my life. These are unprecedented times and we’re all in this together. Compassion and kindness are the keys to emerging into this New Earth.

Still….. I am overwhelmingly sad. I feel utterly betrayed and hurt, not only because of this latest punch in the gut but for all the times my heart has been broken. However, the level of deceit and manipulation in this latest trespass has been hard to accept. I feel stupid for believing the lies so easily. Who can I trust and depend on?

Beneath these feelings is an undercurrent of emotion that I recognise as ancient. These events have triggered an old storyline that tells me I deserve all this because I am unworthy of love, loyalty or even common courtesy… that I don’t matter.

I know all of this is untrue, but I feel as though it is. I know that feelings are not fact and that all of this is delusion. I know that the opinions and actions of others has nothing to do with me. Everyone is responding (or reacting) to their own inner storyline. I absolutely know all this to be the truth. So why do I feel so defeated, so beat up, so triggered? Then comes the storyline that tells me I’m supposed to be made of tougher stuff than this and I should be ashamed for feeling so low and allowing this to affect me so deeply.

What a palaver! How do I maintain an open heart and have faith in people when so many are simply untrustworthy? How do I remain vulnerable to some but protected from others? How do I began to trust again when my ability to do so has been so shaken? How do I know who has my back and who seeks to harm me? I’ve always believed I was a great judge of character, but I guess times like these reveal who people really are beneath their masks, their gushy platitudes and false devotion.

To maintain equanimity in such turbulent times goes beyond my capabilities at present. To be completely honest, I’m tapped out. My cup is empty and my heart is broken. 💔 My bubble has burst.

So, I’m calling out an S.O.S. to my loved ones, my soul tribe, the healers and the light workers. Please share your love and wisdom, not only for my sake, but for everyone who is suffering heartbreak, loss and uncertainty.

Namaste. 🙏🏻

10 thoughts on “My Bubble Has Burst!”

  1. Hold yourself with compassion and kindness as you move through these changing times.
    Sit with the rock bottom feelings and ask yourself what the opposite feelings or emotions are. Change doesn’t happen to us but rather through us so this may be an uncomfortable transition. Whatever your soul is teaching you now is going to serve you well in the next phase as the wave of ascension takes us to higher dimensions. See this as blessing that you won’t understand now but that will serve you when divine timing reveals clarity and ultimate truth. I know this sounds difficult to hear but this is an opportunity to express gratitude for the teaching as you are being strongly guided and transmutation of timelines that no longer serve you are being alchemised. Surround yourself with kind, loving and compassionate friends who will support you as you move through these challenges. I am here for you.
    I love you soul siSTAR. And lastly this is a time to trust even more than ever, this is not a time to lose faith. The situation you find yourself in is unfolding for your highest good. Trust the process and your higher self and hold your own emotions, because if you give your emotions to anyone else to hold then you are also giving them permission to control how you feel.
    It is ok that your bubble has burst, it is from vulnerability that strength is cultivated and it is through vulnerability that grow happens. You are going through a growth spurt and coming out the other side are so many beautiful universal gifts and insights as the Universe always promises that is may not be easy but it is always worth it.
    Love you and always here for you. And it’s also ok if none of this resonates as it’s merely an offering of words and sentiments from my heart. May these words be soothing for your soul if they resonate and may the divine light guide you with grace as you move through these times of deep transformation 🙏🏻💛💞
    Namaste
    Samantha 💗

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  2. Kia Ora Jana when u feel you in a room I feel your loving heart 💓 You are fun, witty, curious, fearless and brave . Thank you for sharing xxxx

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  3. My dear friend. You are profoundly beautiful. Your worth in my life is more significant than you could ever know. Let’s just say, that meeting you, and our hiking goddess friendship, changed my life. It changed my sense of worth, gave me a connection that I hadn’t felt before, part of a club, team, tribe. And you have shown me how to be vulnerable and open. Let love in. But also, to allow a storm to bead and run off, like on a gortex jacket. The jacket isn’t ‘strong’, it’s well designed. So allow all of what you know about the shit in life to bead off. And know that this too will pass, and that everything will be okay.

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  4. Hi Jana appreciate your honesty, echoes my own feelings.I hope when we get through this it will be a kinder world. mch love , Bridget

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  5. Hi Jana – thank you so much for sharing. You have prompted me to write some of the things that are important to me and resonate with me at this time. Thank you very much for the opportunity 👃👃👃
    🧡🧡🧡

    All is well

    All is happening as it should in divine time

    I WILL BE OK

    I AM connected to everything, everything has a place/role.

    I AM of and from divine love and while I will return to there I am going to have fun connecting to it and resolve to spread love and joy while in this body..

    Letting go of attachment to things/emotions that no longer serve me is so wonderfully freeing (after the initial shock discomfort etc)

    Whatever happens, I will be ok.

    I am responsible for everything that happens to me

    Dualities are everywhere- (unfortunately, or is that fortunately!!!) Two seemingly contradictory things can have equal value. discernment and observation work better for me than judgement.

    Compassion is essential

    West coast cocoa make the very best hot chocolate powder.

    Hindsight one of the best learning tools.

    Samantha’s post…what she said!

    Xxxx

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