Category Archives: truth

BREATHE.

affirmation, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, grief, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, marriage, meditation, Overcoming challenges, prayer, relationships, shame, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

clouds

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~Thích Nhất Hạnh

Several years ago, when I was a smoker (I know….gross!), I used to believe that smoking relaxed me; never mind the fact that nicotine is a stimulant.  When I gained my freedom from that terrible addiction several years ago, I found that it was the act of conscious breathing that one engages in while smoking that leads the smoker to believe it’s relaxing.

Conscious breathing, as in meditation, right? Yeah.. kinda. But I don’t have to be on the pillow in meditation to consciously breathe.  Once I started to pay attention, I was surprised at how  often I found myself holding my breath or breathing in a shallow manner.  What usually caught my attention to this was that I would suddenly become anxious. I always thought anxiety brought about the shallow breathing but shallow breathing also brings about anxiety.

I once believed that breathing was automated and I didn’t have to think about it.  When I first began meditating many, many years ago, I learned that I didn’t know how to breathe at all and had to be re-taught.  It was hard in the beginning as the more I focussed on my breathing, the more I would hyperventilate.  Man, those early days were rough!

But over time, it became easier to control my breathing and feel the benefits of a regular meditation practice.  I highly recommend beginners join a meditation class or download some good guided meditations as I found it much easier to begin this way.

Now, whenever I feel uneasy, I check that I’m not holding my breath.  One deep, cleansing breath invariably removes, or at least reduces the anxiety.  My breathing tells the tale of my inner world.  It lets me know when I’m off balance, stressed, insecure or not in alignment with Source Energy.  It’s a great barometer that never fails to tell the truth.

So, Number 2 on my list of Divine Daily Practices is:  BREATHE.

 

BALANCE

affirmation, energy, experience, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, meditation, prayer, relationships, travel, truth


Why is it that when I’m travelling, I find my balance so easily, yet when I arrive home, I fall out of balance almost immediately? It’s imperative I solve this riddle as I can’t rely on holidays for a sense of balance. I need to find it in my every day life in order to sustain emotional, physical and spiritual wellness.

What is it, specifically, that creates the feeling of balance whilst on holiday? Obviously, being away from work helps, as well as being away from household responsibilities. Yet, somehow I can work and clean while on holiday and it feels invigorating, not exhausting. What is the difference? Is it simply a change of scenery, or is the energy of a new place better or different? Perhaps my energy is what has changed, allowing me to view the world from a more peaceful perspective. If this is true, then how does one create a sustained sense of peacefulness at home?

Don’t get me wrong… I love my life! I am superbly blessed in every way. I have a phenomenal marriage, great energy and vitality, happy, healthy kids, financial security, meaningful work I love, amazing friendships that feed my soul and we live in a beautiful country in a beautiful house. So, why did I slide into this latest holiday completely on fumes? What essential component is missing from my every day life that’s throwing me so far off balance?

I know for sure one of the most important things to do each morning is to set my motivation for the day, which is always the same: To be of maximum benefit to everyone I encounter, however great or small. If I’m feeling discontent or off balance, I ask myself the following questions: Am I truly wanting to be of benefit to others or have I slid into selfishness and self-centredness? Am I taking the blessings in my life for granted or am I in a place of gratitude? Am I placing more importance on temporary material happiness than to a more sustainable spiritual happiness? Am I diligent with my daily spiritual practice? Am I letting life get so crazy busy that I don’t make time for what’s really important to me? Am I simply hungry or tired? Once I’ve identified the source of my poor attitude, I can then apply the antidote(s). Meditate more, worry less; spend less time on social media and more time on my writing; remove the clutter from my schedule so I have more time for family and friends. I could pretend I was on holiday and take a nap, lie on the beach with a good book, explore a new place I haven’t been to before, the list goes on and on. 

It seems the answer to the riddle boils down to one thing….space. Space to reflect, breathe, create, dream… space to nourish my mind, body and soul. This is not selfish, it’s essential. I am of no benefit to anyone if I collapse. Space is the missing component of our daily lives that we find when we’re on holiday.

So, the first item on my new list of Divine Daily Practices is: CREATE SPACE.

BUSY SYNDROME

Fear, Inspiration, life, truth, Uncategorized

busy2 copy

“Exhaustion is not a status symbol.  Crazy-busy is a great armor… it’s a great way for numbing. What a lot of us do is that we stay so busy, and so out in front of our life, that the truth of how we’re feeling and what we really need can’t catch up with us.”  ~ Brene Brown ~

The realisation that I suffer from Busy Syndrome was a shock to me.  When I read Brene Brown’s observation that we, in our society, see exhaustion as a status symbol, I immediately recognised that I am always talking about how crazy busy I am with an air of pride.  I’m actually bragging about being much too busy and, therefore, important.  Yikes!

This explains why I haven’t written a blog in so many weeks.  Once again, I have demoted my writing to “just a silly hobby.”  I have been actively disengaging with my gift of observation… staying distracted.  The question is… why?  If Brene is right and I’m staying busy in an attempt to numb and avoid my feelings, what, exactly, am I hiding from?

After some reflection, I’ve realised it is the feeling of insecurity.  I have let the doubt demons come in and throw a party in my head.  You know the scene… entertaining the thoughts that tell you you’re not good enough, smart enough or that you have nothing vital to say.  Who do I think I am and what do I have to offer?

The antidote to this, for me, has always been to just show up and do it anyway.  No matter what my fear says, DO IT ANYWAY!  So, here I am… showing up and writing this blog.

I know from vast experience that this is the most effective way of shutting down the doubting demon party and moving forward. 

I would love to hear what your antidotes are for overcoming doubt and insecurity.  Please leave your comments below…..

Namaste.

SHAME PURVEYORS

Fear, freedom, Inspiration, life, love, Overcoming challenges, relationships, shame, truth

ShameFingers

“It is an act of love to look after one’s self, not an act of community terrorism.”  ~ Jana Joy ~

Are you a shame purveyor or do you fall victim to them?

We all know what shame purveyors look like.  We may even occasionally catch a glimpse of one in the mirror.  It’s a person who points a finger and offers a judgmental comment designed to make us feel bad about ourselves.  Sometimes it comes in the form of a pseudo-compliment or phony compassion.  Here are some examples of the shame we’re sold:

“You’re so lucky to have a partner who doesn’t mind if you abandon your children to go off for a weekend away.”

“Oh, I could never do something like that.  I’d feel too guilty.”

“How do you manage to work full-time and still find any quality time for your family??”

“So, what do you DO all day as a stay-at-home mom? Don’t you get bored?”

“I wish I had time to take a nap/get a facial/go to lunch.  I’m too busy taking care of my family/community/work commitments.”

“You should help out more by joining our committee/volunteer for this cause/donate your money and/or time for this and that.”

“You should… You should…  You should…”

The response in my head is always, “You should mind your own business and stop should-ing on me!”  What I actually say is, “No, thank you.”  That’s it.  I don’t make up excuses.  I don’t offer apologies.  I just say no.  I used to be a victim of the shame purveyors and engaged in all the activities I should be doing in order to be a “good” mom and a “good” person.  But I was so busy and tired all the time that I turned into this resentful, crabby cow.  And what did I do with all that resentment?  I turned it on others and should-ed all over them.  I paid it forward.  After all, sharing is caring… right?

Then one day, I learned the valuable lesson we all have to learn the hard way.  In order to really be of benefit to others, I need to take care of myself.  I cannot give what I do not have.  If I’m burned out and exhausted, I’m not much use to anyone.

It is an act of love to look after one’s self, not an act of community terrorism.  But the shame police in my head and the shame purveyors around me would have me believe otherwise.  Taking time for myself to engage in an activity that feeds my soul, but is, otherwise, of no direct benefit to others will cause the collapse of civilization as we know it.  If I’m not there to hold it all together, it will all fall to pieces (can you say, “control freak?”).  As it turns out, the world keeps on spinning, even while I’m getting a facial.

Now that I’ve (mostly) conquered my inner shame purveyor, when I’m faced with one, I’m usually filled with compassion as I know all too well that the shame they’re attempting to push on me is nothing compared to the shame they heap on themselves.  I say “usually” because, I admit, sometimes my initial reaction is to want to smack them!   It takes a lot of practice to get past the habit of shaming myself and others, but, like anything else, the more I practice, the better I get at it.

If we all stopped playing the shame game, we would be free to live our lives purposefully and joyfully.   I encourage you to release your inner shame purveyor and stop the vicious cycle of abuse.  A true gift is one given from love, not out of shame or guilt.

VULNERABILITY

amends, ego, Fear, freedom, Inspiration, life, love, relationships, shame, trust, truth, vulnerability

vulnerability

“Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness.”  ~Brene Brown~

Vulnerability, to me, means telling the truth, even when it gets me in trouble or causes me embarrassment.  It’s saying, “I’m sorry” and asking for forgiveness. It’s saying, “I don’t know” and, “I love you.”  It’s sharing my fears and secret shame with those I love and trust.  It’s admitting I was wrong and that you were right. It’s allowing myself to be really seen, flaws and all.  It’s following my dreams, despite the fear of failure.  It is writing this blog and sharing it with the world. 

Vulnerability feels like having a wide open heart; loving someone so much that they have the power to hurt me deeply, and loving them anyway.  It’s allowing others to care for me when I’m sick or grieving.  It’s sharing the truth when you ask me how I am feeling.

Being dependent is not vulnerability.  Dependency makes me feel weak.  I’m learning that there is a vast difference to being dependent and depending on others.  It takes vulnerability to depend on someone, knowing that they could let me down.  And if they do let me down, it’s knowing that I’ll be just fine, despite feeling hurt.  I think that’s the main difference.  Dependency creates the illusion that I have no power to create the life I want; that if you leave me or disappoint me, my life will come crashing down around me, causing irreparable damage.

Feeling pain is a sign of vulnerability.  Rather than run from it, I allow it to flow freely through me, rejoicing in the knowledge that my heart is open.  A closed heart doesn’t feel pain…it feels angry or numb, both defense mechanisms.  When my heart is really open, my spirit is aligned with Source energy.  This feels so amazing, it’s worth embracing and walking through the pain.

I would love to know what vulnerability means to you.  Please share your answers in the comments section below.

Namaste.

I’m sooooo sorry!

amends, ego, Fear, Inspiration, life, shame, truth, Uncategorized

sorry

“Classic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most undesirable sentiment. If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”  ~ Aldous Huxley ~

I can only do my best in any given situation, depending on my level of awareness.  I can often drift into unconsciousness and not even notice I have caused harm.  If I am paying attention, however, I can always sense when I’ve said or done something that causes someone discomfort.

It is then that I go inside and analyze my motivation for whatever I said or did.  Was it ego motivated or sincerely from a place of wanting to help?  If my motivation was sincere, I then look at my delivery.  Was it harsh or lacking compassion?  If it was, or if I was coming from a place of ego, then I know that an amends is necessary. 

It is important to be clear about what I regret before I offer an amends.  We do not crawl or grovel before anyone.  That is not a sign of sincerity or humility, but an act of manipulation.  It says, “I have done this terrible thing, but look how sorry I am. That must mean I am really a good person.”  It puts others in the awkward position of having to validate you.  Begging for forgiveness places all the attention on you and discounts the other person entirely.  It is a performance of the ego.

True regret for a mistake is simply an acknowledgment of the act from a place of awareness, then an amends based on that awareness.  This process always benefits me more than whomever I make an amends to because it keeps me conscious and acutely aware of the energy I am putting out.  It is also an incredible humility builder.  The best part is that it releases me from the shame spiral.

When used correctly, there is great power in the words, “I’m sorry.”

FREEDOM FROM SHAME

freedom, Inspiration, life, love, shame, truth, ,

freedom

In my desire to be free from shame and remove all the self-limiting beliefs I have about myself, I need to peel the layers of delusion and uncover the truth.

I spent the first half of my life living in a state of fear and fantasy.  I was always running away from what I perceived to be my lack of value.  Deep down, I truly believed I was unworthy of love, flawed, broken, unrecoverable.  I hid these feelings behind lies and bravado.  I thought if I could convince others I was strong, independent and confident, eventually it might come true.  What I didn’t realise at the time was that in my dishonesty, I was creating more shame, which led to more fear, which led to more dishonesty.  I was caught in vicious cycle that seemed to have no way out.  I would never find the freedom I craved until I stopped bullshitting myself and came clean.

In order to begin this process, it was important to find the source of all these mistaken ideas. I began with my resentments.  They serve as a rich guide, as I tend to resent in others what I most need to acknowledge in myself.  When I took a cold, hard look at these, my patterns became very clear.  I learned some painful truths about my behaviours and expectations.  I saw that I was looking to others to fulfil my need to feel safe, secure and loved.  Others’ behaviour had to meet unreasonable and unattainable levels of perfection and when they didn’t, a judgement was rendered and a resentment was created.  I was wildly creative in my narrative, both to myself and anyone who would listen.  My powers of rationalisation are extraordinary.  Couple that with a robust story-telling ability, and a “truth” was born.  When I tell these truths long enough, they become fact, lodged in concrete, rigid. 

Exploring my resentments from a place of rigorous honesty and non-judgement, with the intention of uncovering my true essence, took an act of courage and a giant leap of faith… faith that once I see who I really am, underneath all the fear and lies designed to protect my ego’s stronghold over my life, I will find a magnificent being, pure in energy and love. 

Through this exercise in honest awareness, I was liberated from my secret shame and a magnificent, authentic being is what I found, with joy right behind.