Category Archives: health

BOUNCE – Cultivating Resiliency

affirmation, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, meditation, Overcoming challenges, prayer, relationships, resilience, shame, suicide, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

resilience

“Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”  

~ Don Miguel Ruiz, author of ‘The Four Agreements’ ~

When I was a child, and I fell and hurt myself, my mom just put me back on my feet (after ascertaining I wasn’t critically injured), gave me a hug and sent me on my way with the words, “You’ll be alright.”  When I came home from school and cried to my dad about some bully who was mean to me, he taught me how to stand up for myself.  I really believe these early experiences were the seeds that would later blossom into the emotional resiliency I enjoy today.

It seems in this age of social media, we’re exposed to a seemingly infinite stream of harsh words and negativity.  In my day, the bullies were “out there” and my home was a sanctuary.  Now the bullies come into our lives from every angle with no where to hide.

Add to that the idea that we need to protect our kids from any real or perceived discomfort by rushing in to remove every bad feeling the moment they have them.  How are they to develop any kind of resilience to negativity?  We mean well, as parents, and want to prevent our children from feeling pain, but in all this intervention, we’ve robbed them of the opportunity to learn how to move through discomfort, instead of always running away from it or making it someone else’s problem to solve.

The pharmaceutical companies tells us that every negative emotion is a “syndrome” or “disorder” that’s not our fault and easily fixable with a pill.  And as we’ve become a culture of instant gratification, we want instant symptom relief, which these pills promise.  If not pills, we turn to food, narcotics, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. (which are just different variations of the same pill).  Why spend all that time and energy addressing the cause of our discomfort when we can just remove the symptoms and forget about it for a while?

Here’s why… we now have a society of non-resilient and entitled people completely unprepared for a world that isn’t going to shield them from all forms of emotional pain (Political Correctness Police aside); that doesn’t think that every little thing they do is amazing and cause for celebration; that isn’t going to validate their worthiness and solve their self-esteem issues; that isn’t going to reward them just for showing up and doing the bare minimum; and that will hold them accountable for their actions.

Is it any wonder that depression, obesity, disease of all kinds and global anger is sweeping the planet in epidemic proportions?

So, what’s the solution?  It’s simple…. but certainly not easy.  Stop blaming others and decide to take responsibility for your current emotional state and develop resiliency in whatever way resonates with you. The following is a list of all the things I’ve personally done that have helped me enormously:  Seek a counselor, wellness coach or spiritual teacher to help you become more empowered and emotionally stable, which will make you less vulnerable to the negative words and actions of others; go to rehab or a 12 Step programme if you suffer from addictions; train for and run a marathon or half marathon (one of my faves for learning to move through pain and persevere), eat nutrient dense food and exercise (two of the best, and most underused, antidepressants out there), and meditate, meditate, meditate.

If all of these suggestions seem way too overwhelming or hard, just start with taking a single deep breath, then another, and another. Just breathe.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”  ~Lao Tzu ~

Namaste.

Anger… my greatest teacher.

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For the last few months I’ve been dealing with a very angry old man who has been terrorising my 14 year old son, who occasionally rides past his house to ride his motorbike in a large flat paddock in our community. I won’t go into very much detail except to say that it’s been bringing out the vicious mama bear in me.  As a Buddhist, I’m taught to practise loving-kindness and compassion toward all beings, but dealing with this man makes me want to kill!

My one small vindication (ok… let’s call it a rationalisation), is that my super patient, calm and reasonable husband has the same reaction to this person. We’ve tried to figure out how we’ve allowed this man to hijack our serenity and infect us with his misery. It feels as though he has some kind of super power, that when fuelled with alcohol, turns him into some kind of impenetrable demon. Trying to reason with him is like to trying to reason with a 2 year old mid-tantrum…. totally pointless.

What to do? We’ve tried ignoring him, but when he actively tries to seriously harm our son, we have to intervene. We’ve talked to the police who are unable to do anything until something happens, like our son ends up in hospital. We demand that our son always wear his Go-Pro so we have every interaction with this man on video, which I’ve uploaded into our police file so there’s a history of the abuse. We’ve even met with our community Board to attempt a compromise wherein we will minimise our son’s bike riding in that particular area. Never mind the thousands of dollars we spent buying him a quieter motorbike. So far, to no avail….

I’ve been desperately trying to find compassion toward this man who is clearly in the jaws of a serious alcohol problem and has a long and distinguished reputation of being a miserable prick!  Let me be clear here… I’m doing this for myself. This isn’t about changing him, but changing my reaction to him.  There will always be people or situations that cross my path that are unpleasant or downright infuriating. While I must take appropriate action to stand up for my rights and the rights of others to be free from tyranny and abuse, it’s also essential that I don’t add more anger and hatred to the mix. If I do…. everyone loses.

I recently began my tonglen meditation practice again in order to get back to my happy place and my body’s first reaction has been a wicked sore throat and cold. I’m hopeful this means it’s working.

My practice begins with this prayer:

“Having recognised the futility of my selfishness and the great benefit of loving others, may I bring all beings joy.  May I send all my virtues and happiness to others through the strength of my practice, and may I receive the suffering, obstacles and defilements of all motherly beings in all realms.”

I start by visualising a person or group of people who are suffering. I imagine their suffering pouring out of them as hot, dark smoke, as I breathe it all in deeply. I accept the feelings of pain and discomfort as they come forward.  This part is tricky as my first inclination is to move away from pain, almost reflexively.  When I catch myself doing that, I bring myself back to the discomfort, repeating the mantra, “May I remove all your suffering by receiving it fully.”

I then look toward a group of my loved ones and generate all the feelings of love I feel for them. Children and pets are particularly easy in helping to generate this pure, unconditional love as we don’t tend to hold any resentment toward them. I imagine this feeling of love as a healing white light surrounding me and dissolving the dark smoke within.

Next, I go back to those who are suffering and visualise the pure white light of love and compassion surrounding and embracing them. I repeat the mantra:”May I send you all my virtues and happiness and bring you joy.”

This tonglen practice can be done in 5 minutes when I practise it everyday. But if I’ve gotten away from it, it usually takes me longer as my mind is very busy and rambunctious, like a wild elephant.

The results are amazing and instant. Unfortunately, anger and resentment are difficult habits to break, so it takes a lot of practise to gain control of them. It can be frustrating in the beginning as it feels as though you can’t hold any image for more than a second before you start thinking about how annoying some person is or what you need to get done that day, ad infinitum.

Be patient with yourself and push through the roadblocks. It’s worth it… I promise.

Namaste

3 Things To Stop Saying Sorry For…

amends, ego, energy, experience, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, marriage, Overcoming challenges, relationships, shame, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

lifetips-copy

Saying you’re sorry and meaning it is a powerful tool in taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions. It relieves you of guilt and empowers forgiveness and change.

However, we’re often saying sorry just for speaking our truth. Women, in particular, are prone to this social conditioning.  We’re so afraid of being thought of as a selfish bitch or a nag,  we suppress our truth and do what those around us want or need, often at the expense of our spiritual, mental and physical health.

It’s time to stop being sorry and start taking care of ourselves.  If you believe that makes you selfish, it’s time to look at the definition of the word…

“Selfish:  seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others.”

Taking care of yourself and making sure your needs are met is not selfish as long as you are not completely disregarding the needs of others. I’m suggesting you put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others.  Remember, you can’t give what you don’t have.  So, if you’re running on fumes, or worse, collapse altogether, you’re no good to anyone, least of all yourself.  Why not leave the martyrdom to the experts…

Here are 3 things we need to STOP saying sorry for:

  1.  Taking time for yourself – Exercising, resting, reading, meditating, vegging out in front of a movie, hanging out with your friends, date night with your main squeeze, or any activity you enjoy are all perfectly acceptable to engage in without feeling guilty. Whatever feeds your soul and brings joy & bliss to your heart, needs to be included in your list of priorities.  Making yourself a priority will empower those around you to do the same, which benefits everyone;
  2. Saying no  – Whether it’s help in some form, such as giving your money, time, resources, or your expertise in some area, it’s ok to say no. Of course, it’s important to help others when and where you can, but stretching yourself too thin weakens you and throws you out of balance.  I always ask the question, “Will my help empower or disempower them?”  I try to find ways to truly benefit others in such a way as to create independence and boost their confidence. This enables them to build strength and resiliency. The next question I ask is, “What is my motivation?”  Am I coming from a place of love and compassion or am I being self-serving in some way, such as, playing the hero to bolster my ego? Ensuring my motivation is pure is essential in every situation. When my help is peppered with wisdom and love, I find I don’t get out of balance or exhausted. It’s important to remember that sometimes saying no is an act of love.
  3. Asking for help – It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help when you’re struggling.  I personally find this one the most difficult.  I am not an island, although sometimes I like to think I am. When you’ve been let down by someone, or many someones, who you counted on to be there, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing you can only rely on yourself and close off channels of connection. However, this disconnect can often to lead to narcissistic delusion. Together with my intuition, I need to bounce my ideas off trusted friends and family to gain a clearer picture of the truth.   Perspective can only be obtained through a broader view.  When we’re too close, everything becomes blurry.  So, don’t apologise for asking for help.  If you’re concerned about being a burden on someone, remember #2 – it’s their responsibility to tell the truth and say no if they need to.

The Beliefs Challenge

affirmation, ego, experience, Fear, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, meditation, Overcoming challenges, relationships, shame, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability
beliefs
“It is only by being supremely blissful that you can give others your absolute best.”
~ Jana Joy ~
I encourage you to look at some of your beliefs and ask yourself the following questions:
Does this belief empower me?
Does it benefit me in any way?
Does it make me happy?
If the answer to any of these questions is, “NO,” you may want to consider letting this belief go and open your mind to a new & improved belief that actually benefits you.
Comment below with a belief you have previously challenged and let go of, or one that you currently hold that creates negativity and restrictions in your life. I’ll start…
There was a time, long ago, that I held the belief that others’ opinions of me defined me. I believed, wholeheartedly, that I was an amalgamation of the ideas that others had formed about me.
Once I challenged this belief and learned the truth about who I really was underneath all the dogma and wrong ideas, I was freed from the prison of shame and self-doubt. I was liberated!! I had discovered that I was pure perfection…that we are ALL pure perfection.
The result of this exercise is that I became highly motivated to challenge all my beliefs, which has led to a life of constant, free-flowing inspiration, growth, empowerment and abundance.
There have been many obstacles along the way…painful emotions, a lot of fear and the pressure of society to try and make me conform to negative beliefs, but I persevered and eventually overcame them all.
I promise you, it was absolutely worth it!
Blessings, Jana

BREATHE.

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clouds

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~Thích Nhất Hạnh

Several years ago, when I was a smoker (I know….gross!), I used to believe that smoking relaxed me; never mind the fact that nicotine is a stimulant.  When I gained my freedom from that terrible addiction several years ago, I found that it was the act of conscious breathing that one engages in while smoking that leads the smoker to believe it’s relaxing.

Conscious breathing, as in meditation, right? Yeah.. kinda. But I don’t have to be on the pillow in meditation to consciously breathe.  Once I started to pay attention, I was surprised at how  often I found myself holding my breath or breathing in a shallow manner.  What usually caught my attention to this was that I would suddenly become anxious. I always thought anxiety brought about the shallow breathing but shallow breathing also brings about anxiety.

I once believed that breathing was automated and I didn’t have to think about it.  When I first began meditating many, many years ago, I learned that I didn’t know how to breathe at all and had to be re-taught.  It was hard in the beginning as the more I focussed on my breathing, the more I would hyperventilate.  Man, those early days were rough!

But over time, it became easier to control my breathing and feel the benefits of a regular meditation practice.  I highly recommend beginners join a meditation class or download some good guided meditations as I found it much easier to begin this way.

Now, whenever I feel uneasy, I check that I’m not holding my breath.  One deep, cleansing breath invariably removes, or at least reduces the anxiety.  My breathing tells the tale of my inner world.  It lets me know when I’m off balance, stressed, insecure or not in alignment with Source Energy.  It’s a great barometer that never fails to tell the truth.

So, Number 2 on my list of Divine Daily Practices is:  BREATHE.

 

BALANCE

affirmation, energy, experience, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, meditation, prayer, relationships, travel, truth


Why is it that when I’m travelling, I find my balance so easily, yet when I arrive home, I fall out of balance almost immediately? It’s imperative I solve this riddle as I can’t rely on holidays for a sense of balance. I need to find it in my every day life in order to sustain emotional, physical and spiritual wellness.

What is it, specifically, that creates the feeling of balance whilst on holiday? Obviously, being away from work helps, as well as being away from household responsibilities. Yet, somehow I can work and clean while on holiday and it feels invigorating, not exhausting. What is the difference? Is it simply a change of scenery, or is the energy of a new place better or different? Perhaps my energy is what has changed, allowing me to view the world from a more peaceful perspective. If this is true, then how does one create a sustained sense of peacefulness at home?

Don’t get me wrong… I love my life! I am superbly blessed in every way. I have a phenomenal marriage, great energy and vitality, happy, healthy kids, financial security, meaningful work I love, amazing friendships that feed my soul and we live in a beautiful country in a beautiful house. So, why did I slide into this latest holiday completely on fumes? What essential component is missing from my every day life that’s throwing me so far off balance?

I know for sure one of the most important things to do each morning is to set my motivation for the day, which is always the same: To be of maximum benefit to everyone I encounter, however great or small. If I’m feeling discontent or off balance, I ask myself the following questions: Am I truly wanting to be of benefit to others or have I slid into selfishness and self-centredness? Am I taking the blessings in my life for granted or am I in a place of gratitude? Am I placing more importance on temporary material happiness than to a more sustainable spiritual happiness? Am I diligent with my daily spiritual practice? Am I letting life get so crazy busy that I don’t make time for what’s really important to me? Am I simply hungry or tired? Once I’ve identified the source of my poor attitude, I can then apply the antidote(s). Meditate more, worry less; spend less time on social media and more time on my writing; remove the clutter from my schedule so I have more time for family and friends. I could pretend I was on holiday and take a nap, lie on the beach with a good book, explore a new place I haven’t been to before, the list goes on and on. 

It seems the answer to the riddle boils down to one thing….space. Space to reflect, breathe, create, dream… space to nourish my mind, body and soul. This is not selfish, it’s essential. I am of no benefit to anyone if I collapse. Space is the missing component of our daily lives that we find when we’re on holiday.

So, the first item on my new list of Divine Daily Practices is: CREATE SPACE.

ARTIFICIAL PARADISE

experience, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, travel

  
As I sit on the deck of our beautiful over-water bunglaow in one of the most universally recognised top destination resorts, I feel a little disappointed.  This place has been on my bucket list since forever and I was so excited for this trip. 

Don’t get me wrong… It is absolutely spectacular here and the water is a beautiful turquoise and so warm.  But overall, it has been a let down.  Initially, my husband and I thought perhaps our expectations were too high.  Or maybe it was fatigue from the travel that was making us a little grumpy.  But several days later, we still feel the same.

The feeling?  Like we’re big walking wallets queued up awaiting biopsy.  Even as we see new arrivals wearing their fresh leis, there’s a small part of us that pities them knowing they’re next in line for the shake-down. There is no culture to be found here.  There’s just an artificial corporate flavour.  The pretense is they’re so happy to have you here with an almost saccharine sweetness in their demeanour.  The alternative has been to treat us with blatant distain.  

Determined to enjoy ourselves, we’ve decided to just focus on relaxation and rejuvination in a glorious setting and let all the rest go.  We’ve retired to our little bungalow and only venture out to eat and swim, which has made us so much happier.

After many discussions on the subject, we came to the conclusion that we are just spoiled. We live in a magnificent part of New Zealand and absolutely love our lives.  We tend to work too hard and don’t always rest as much as we should, but otherwise, life is grand.  Perhaps that’s why our expectations are so great when we travel.  The bar is set pretty high.  We’re not looking for an escape from our lives, we’re looking to enrich it further.  

Our favourite place to go is Rarotonga in the Cook Islands.  We were trying to figure out the difference between Raro and here, or anywhere else we’ve been.  We came to the conclusion that the people of Rarotonga, where the land is ancestral and the big corporate giants cannot get their hooks in, are friendly in a very genuine way.  Although they’re comparatively poor, they’re rich in culture and a joie de vivre.  They value the tourist revenue but don’t resent your being there.  There’s a mutual respect and authenticity present.   They’re just relaxed and enjoying life, which creates a real sense of serenity and you feel like you’re part of a community.  Also, it’s completely safe, no matter where you go.  A local told us it is because it’s such a small island, any criminal misbehaviour will definitely get back to mamma and that’s scarier than jail!

This whole experience has really highlighted how incredible our life is.  I feel so grateful for the contrast of this journey, which has brought my attention to all the many blessings in our lives.  So, for that Tahiti, we thank you.

Namaste.

Are you hooked?

health, Inspiration, love, Uncategorized

hooked copy

Acceptance is the releasing of the need to control.  I accept that I have little, if any, control over the initial thought or the instinctive reaction to that thought.  Meditation teaches me that the act of keeping all thoughts from coming is damn near impossible!  I don’t endeavour to keep the thoughts from coming.  My only goal is to slow down the mechanism to a point where I can see more clearly what is happening in my mind and body.  The discipline is to let the thoughts pass by and not attach anything to them.

It’s the same when I’m faced with a hurtful comment from someone or I see or hear something that causes me discomfort.  My initial reaction feels like a tightening in the stomach. In Tibetan this is called shenpa, a hook that triggers our habitual tendency to shut down, close off.  I cannot prevent that initial tightening, as it seems to happen automatically.  What I can control is what comes next.

I notice the lurch or hooked feeling, I then use it as a path to awareness of what is actually happening.  The truth being that my ego has been hit with sniper fire.  I can choose to let it pass through, causing no lasting damage.  Or I can hold it inside me, letting it become inflamed and infected, causing all kinds of trauma.

There was a time when I would always choose to hold onto it.  I would place all my attention on it until it became debilitating, a form of self-punishment I believed I so richly deserved for all my failures.  Today I know better and I choose to let it go.  It really is the easier, softer way.

REVELATIONS

health, Inspiration, life, Uncategorized

energy copy

Yesterday, I went for a Thai massage at the recommendation of my husband.  This was no fluffy spa massage though.  Not to say there is anything wrong with fluffy massages aimed at relaxation.  They have their place and I love them.  However, this massage was more therapeutic in nature.  This gorgeous, itty-bitty Thai woman with enough strength in her hands to rival a lumberjack found spots of immense blockages (read: pain) that took my breath away.  I had to use all my powers of concentration to breathe through it as she worked away at what sounded like walnuts being crushed.  I used my meditative skills to imagine this incredible energy coursing through all the blockages in my body, and enveloping us both.  During this meditation, I was suddenly hit with a revelation; but first, a little background….

Earlier in the year, I began to have what I called vision attacks, along with high blood pressure spikes.  I immediately dove straight into fear at all of the horrible possibilities these symptoms might represent.  When I looked online, all the sites came up with stroke, heart attack and brain tumour, with the advice to seek medical attention IMMEDIATELY!  Even though I know better, I got quite swept up in the fear of it all.  As you might imagine, all my symptoms got dramatically worse and more frequent, eventually landing me in hospital for numerous tests over the course of a few days.  The tests showed nothing wrong, whatsoever, with my heart and brain and I was discharged.  My symptoms continued for several months and more were added to the mix.  I continued to focus on these “events” and requested more tests, desperate to find the problem.  Unfortunately, in my quest to find the problem, I was creating more of the problem.  Whenever I place my attention on something, whether positive or negative, the energy around that grows exponentially, which is exactly what was happening here.

I’ve always believed that all health issues are created by an imbalance in the mind/body, and I was wracking my brain to figure out where my imbalance was.  I was seeing an acupuncturist, well known for his incredible diagnostic abilities, meditating regularly, adding and eliminating things from my diet and talking incessantly about it in the hopes someone would have some ideas I hadn’t thought of.  I was also doing grounding energy work and exercising regularly, but was still having all these “negative” and uncomfortable symptoms.  At the same time, I was also experiencing an unprecedented and amazing flow of creative energy with my writing.

I recall now that all of this started after I had begun engaging in the practice of opening my heart to the universal energy flow, while also fully accepting my gifts as a mystic.  When I acknowledged that I have the ability to see people, clear through to their true essence, to identify what lies beneath the surface and what’s behind their behaviours, the flow of energy coursing through me became quite intense.  Then it hit me during my massage.  What I deemed “negative” symptoms of a possible health problem was simply my energy shifting toward a higher vibration, but out of fear and old habits, I put up blocks.  It is these blocks which are causing all of the uncomfortable symptoms. I’m certain of it.  It’s kind of ironic, actually, that when I acknowledge my mystical ability to “see,” I suddenly lose clear sight.  I understand now that the early initial events were just my energy shifting toward a higher plane. However, in my fear and ignorance, I interrupted the current, which created and then exacerbated the symptoms until they were debilitating.  So it stands to reason that if I created all the blocks, I have the power to remove them. I’ve also noticed lately that when I’m writing and the creative flow is strongest, my blood pressure rises and my breathing changes.  To think…all these months of worry and it turns out to actually be the extraordinary gift of creative manifestation.  If I stop resisting, embrace my gifts, and remove the blocks, my energy and general well-being will return to its perfect state.

So, as of this moment, I will no longer place my attention toward fear.  I will focus only on embracing and liberating the divine energy of my source, allowing it to flow through me, completely unrestricted and free.  This is the path to absolute balance and clear vision.

Blessings.