Saying you’re sorry and meaning it is a powerful tool in taking responsibility for the consequences of your actions. It relieves you of guilt and empowers forgiveness and change.
However, we’re often saying sorry just for speaking our truth. Women, in particular, are prone to this social conditioning. We’re so afraid of being thought of as a selfish bitch or a nag, we suppress our truth and do what those around us want or need, often at the expense of our spiritual, mental and physical health.
It’s time to stop being sorry and start taking care of ourselves. If you believe that makes you selfish, it’s time to look at the definition of the word…
“Selfish: seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure or well-being without regard for others.”
Taking care of yourself and making sure your needs are met is not selfish as long as you are not completely disregarding the needs of others. I’m suggesting you put on your own oxygen mask first before attempting to help others. Remember, you can’t give what you don’t have. So, if you’re running on fumes, or worse, collapse altogether, you’re no good to anyone, least of all yourself. Why not leave the martyrdom to the experts…
Here are 3 things we need to STOP saying sorry for:
- Taking time for yourself – Exercising, resting, reading, meditating, vegging out in front of a movie, hanging out with your friends, date night with your main squeeze, or any activity you enjoy are all perfectly acceptable to engage in without feeling guilty. Whatever feeds your soul and brings joy & bliss to your heart, needs to be included in your list of priorities. Making yourself a priority will empower those around you to do the same, which benefits everyone;
- Saying no – Whether it’s help in some form, such as giving your money, time, resources, or your expertise in some area, it’s ok to say no. Of course, it’s important to help others when and where you can, but stretching yourself too thin weakens you and throws you out of balance. I always ask the question, “Will my help empower or disempower them?” I try to find ways to truly benefit others in such a way as to create independence and boost their confidence. This enables them to build strength and resiliency. The next question I ask is, “What is my motivation?” Am I coming from a place of love and compassion or am I being self-serving in some way, such as, playing the hero to bolster my ego? Ensuring my motivation is pure is essential in every situation. When my help is peppered with wisdom and love, I find I don’t get out of balance or exhausted. It’s important to remember that sometimes saying no is an act of love.
- Asking for help – It’s a sign of strength, not weakness, to ask for help when you’re struggling. I personally find this one the most difficult. I am not an island, although sometimes I like to think I am. When you’ve been let down by someone, or many someones, who you counted on to be there, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing you can only rely on yourself and close off channels of connection. However, this disconnect can often to lead to narcissistic delusion. Together with my intuition, I need to bounce my ideas off trusted friends and family to gain a clearer picture of the truth. Perspective can only be obtained through a broader view. When we’re too close, everything becomes blurry. So, don’t apologise for asking for help. If you’re concerned about being a burden on someone, remember #2 – it’s their responsibility to tell the truth and say no if they need to.
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