Category Archives: prayer

BOUNCE – Cultivating Resiliency

affirmation, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, meditation, Overcoming challenges, prayer, relationships, resilience, shame, suicide, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

resilience

“Don’t Take Anything Personally – Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”  

~ Don Miguel Ruiz, author of ‘The Four Agreements’ ~

When I was a child, and I fell and hurt myself, my mom just put me back on my feet (after ascertaining I wasn’t critically injured), gave me a hug and sent me on my way with the words, “You’ll be alright.”  When I came home from school and cried to my dad about some bully who was mean to me, he taught me how to stand up for myself.  I really believe these early experiences were the seeds that would later blossom into the emotional resiliency I enjoy today.

It seems in this age of social media, we’re exposed to a seemingly infinite stream of harsh words and negativity.  In my day, the bullies were “out there” and my home was a sanctuary.  Now the bullies come into our lives from every angle with no where to hide.

Add to that the idea that we need to protect our kids from any real or perceived discomfort by rushing in to remove every bad feeling the moment they have them.  How are they to develop any kind of resilience to negativity?  We mean well, as parents, and want to prevent our children from feeling pain, but in all this intervention, we’ve robbed them of the opportunity to learn how to move through discomfort, instead of always running away from it or making it someone else’s problem to solve.

The pharmaceutical companies tells us that every negative emotion is a “syndrome” or “disorder” that’s not our fault and easily fixable with a pill.  And as we’ve become a culture of instant gratification, we want instant symptom relief, which these pills promise.  If not pills, we turn to food, narcotics, alcohol, cigarettes, etc. (which are just different variations of the same pill).  Why spend all that time and energy addressing the cause of our discomfort when we can just remove the symptoms and forget about it for a while?

Here’s why… we now have a society of non-resilient and entitled people completely unprepared for a world that isn’t going to shield them from all forms of emotional pain (Political Correctness Police aside); that doesn’t think that every little thing they do is amazing and cause for celebration; that isn’t going to validate their worthiness and solve their self-esteem issues; that isn’t going to reward them just for showing up and doing the bare minimum; and that will hold them accountable for their actions.

Is it any wonder that depression, obesity, disease of all kinds and global anger is sweeping the planet in epidemic proportions?

So, what’s the solution?  It’s simple…. but certainly not easy.  Stop blaming others and decide to take responsibility for your current emotional state and develop resiliency in whatever way resonates with you. The following is a list of all the things I’ve personally done that have helped me enormously:  Seek a counselor, wellness coach or spiritual teacher to help you become more empowered and emotionally stable, which will make you less vulnerable to the negative words and actions of others; go to rehab or a 12 Step programme if you suffer from addictions; train for and run a marathon or half marathon (one of my faves for learning to move through pain and persevere), eat nutrient dense food and exercise (two of the best, and most underused, antidepressants out there), and meditate, meditate, meditate.

If all of these suggestions seem way too overwhelming or hard, just start with taking a single deep breath, then another, and another. Just breathe.

“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”  ~Lao Tzu ~

Namaste.

Anger… my greatest teacher.

affirmation, amends, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, meditation, Overcoming challenges, prayer, relationships, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

For the last few months I’ve been dealing with a very angry old man who has been terrorising my 14 year old son, who occasionally rides past his house to ride his motorbike in a large flat paddock in our community. I won’t go into very much detail except to say that it’s been bringing out the vicious mama bear in me.  As a Buddhist, I’m taught to practise loving-kindness and compassion toward all beings, but dealing with this man makes me want to kill!

My one small vindication (ok… let’s call it a rationalisation), is that my super patient, calm and reasonable husband has the same reaction to this person. We’ve tried to figure out how we’ve allowed this man to hijack our serenity and infect us with his misery. It feels as though he has some kind of super power, that when fuelled with alcohol, turns him into some kind of impenetrable demon. Trying to reason with him is like to trying to reason with a 2 year old mid-tantrum…. totally pointless.

What to do? We’ve tried ignoring him, but when he actively tries to seriously harm our son, we have to intervene. We’ve talked to the police who are unable to do anything until something happens, like our son ends up in hospital. We demand that our son always wear his Go-Pro so we have every interaction with this man on video, which I’ve uploaded into our police file so there’s a history of the abuse. We’ve even met with our community Board to attempt a compromise wherein we will minimise our son’s bike riding in that particular area. Never mind the thousands of dollars we spent buying him a quieter motorbike. So far, to no avail….

I’ve been desperately trying to find compassion toward this man who is clearly in the jaws of a serious alcohol problem and has a long and distinguished reputation of being a miserable prick!  Let me be clear here… I’m doing this for myself. This isn’t about changing him, but changing my reaction to him.  There will always be people or situations that cross my path that are unpleasant or downright infuriating. While I must take appropriate action to stand up for my rights and the rights of others to be free from tyranny and abuse, it’s also essential that I don’t add more anger and hatred to the mix. If I do…. everyone loses.

I recently began my tonglen meditation practice again in order to get back to my happy place and my body’s first reaction has been a wicked sore throat and cold. I’m hopeful this means it’s working.

My practice begins with this prayer:

“Having recognised the futility of my selfishness and the great benefit of loving others, may I bring all beings joy.  May I send all my virtues and happiness to others through the strength of my practice, and may I receive the suffering, obstacles and defilements of all motherly beings in all realms.”

I start by visualising a person or group of people who are suffering. I imagine their suffering pouring out of them as hot, dark smoke, as I breathe it all in deeply. I accept the feelings of pain and discomfort as they come forward.  This part is tricky as my first inclination is to move away from pain, almost reflexively.  When I catch myself doing that, I bring myself back to the discomfort, repeating the mantra, “May I remove all your suffering by receiving it fully.”

I then look toward a group of my loved ones and generate all the feelings of love I feel for them. Children and pets are particularly easy in helping to generate this pure, unconditional love as we don’t tend to hold any resentment toward them. I imagine this feeling of love as a healing white light surrounding me and dissolving the dark smoke within.

Next, I go back to those who are suffering and visualise the pure white light of love and compassion surrounding and embracing them. I repeat the mantra:”May I send you all my virtues and happiness and bring you joy.”

This tonglen practice can be done in 5 minutes when I practise it everyday. But if I’ve gotten away from it, it usually takes me longer as my mind is very busy and rambunctious, like a wild elephant.

The results are amazing and instant. Unfortunately, anger and resentment are difficult habits to break, so it takes a lot of practise to gain control of them. It can be frustrating in the beginning as it feels as though you can’t hold any image for more than a second before you start thinking about how annoying some person is or what you need to get done that day, ad infinitum.

Be patient with yourself and push through the roadblocks. It’s worth it… I promise.

Namaste

BREATHE.

affirmation, ego, energy, experience, Fear, freedom, grief, growth, health, Inspiration, life, love, marriage, meditation, Overcoming challenges, prayer, relationships, shame, trust, truth, Uncategorized, vulnerability

clouds

“Feelings come and go like clouds in a windy sky. Conscious breathing is my anchor.” ~Thích Nhất Hạnh

Several years ago, when I was a smoker (I know….gross!), I used to believe that smoking relaxed me; never mind the fact that nicotine is a stimulant.  When I gained my freedom from that terrible addiction several years ago, I found that it was the act of conscious breathing that one engages in while smoking that leads the smoker to believe it’s relaxing.

Conscious breathing, as in meditation, right? Yeah.. kinda. But I don’t have to be on the pillow in meditation to consciously breathe.  Once I started to pay attention, I was surprised at how  often I found myself holding my breath or breathing in a shallow manner.  What usually caught my attention to this was that I would suddenly become anxious. I always thought anxiety brought about the shallow breathing but shallow breathing also brings about anxiety.

I once believed that breathing was automated and I didn’t have to think about it.  When I first began meditating many, many years ago, I learned that I didn’t know how to breathe at all and had to be re-taught.  It was hard in the beginning as the more I focussed on my breathing, the more I would hyperventilate.  Man, those early days were rough!

But over time, it became easier to control my breathing and feel the benefits of a regular meditation practice.  I highly recommend beginners join a meditation class or download some good guided meditations as I found it much easier to begin this way.

Now, whenever I feel uneasy, I check that I’m not holding my breath.  One deep, cleansing breath invariably removes, or at least reduces the anxiety.  My breathing tells the tale of my inner world.  It lets me know when I’m off balance, stressed, insecure or not in alignment with Source Energy.  It’s a great barometer that never fails to tell the truth.

So, Number 2 on my list of Divine Daily Practices is:  BREATHE.

 

BALANCE

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Why is it that when I’m travelling, I find my balance so easily, yet when I arrive home, I fall out of balance almost immediately? It’s imperative I solve this riddle as I can’t rely on holidays for a sense of balance. I need to find it in my every day life in order to sustain emotional, physical and spiritual wellness.

What is it, specifically, that creates the feeling of balance whilst on holiday? Obviously, being away from work helps, as well as being away from household responsibilities. Yet, somehow I can work and clean while on holiday and it feels invigorating, not exhausting. What is the difference? Is it simply a change of scenery, or is the energy of a new place better or different? Perhaps my energy is what has changed, allowing me to view the world from a more peaceful perspective. If this is true, then how does one create a sustained sense of peacefulness at home?

Don’t get me wrong… I love my life! I am superbly blessed in every way. I have a phenomenal marriage, great energy and vitality, happy, healthy kids, financial security, meaningful work I love, amazing friendships that feed my soul and we live in a beautiful country in a beautiful house. So, why did I slide into this latest holiday completely on fumes? What essential component is missing from my every day life that’s throwing me so far off balance?

I know for sure one of the most important things to do each morning is to set my motivation for the day, which is always the same: To be of maximum benefit to everyone I encounter, however great or small. If I’m feeling discontent or off balance, I ask myself the following questions: Am I truly wanting to be of benefit to others or have I slid into selfishness and self-centredness? Am I taking the blessings in my life for granted or am I in a place of gratitude? Am I placing more importance on temporary material happiness than to a more sustainable spiritual happiness? Am I diligent with my daily spiritual practice? Am I letting life get so crazy busy that I don’t make time for what’s really important to me? Am I simply hungry or tired? Once I’ve identified the source of my poor attitude, I can then apply the antidote(s). Meditate more, worry less; spend less time on social media and more time on my writing; remove the clutter from my schedule so I have more time for family and friends. I could pretend I was on holiday and take a nap, lie on the beach with a good book, explore a new place I haven’t been to before, the list goes on and on. 

It seems the answer to the riddle boils down to one thing….space. Space to reflect, breathe, create, dream… space to nourish my mind, body and soul. This is not selfish, it’s essential. I am of no benefit to anyone if I collapse. Space is the missing component of our daily lives that we find when we’re on holiday.

So, the first item on my new list of Divine Daily Practices is: CREATE SPACE.

PRAYER AND MEDITATION

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DogMeditating

Prayer and affirmation is the act of asking, wherein meditation is the act of listening, of quieting down the mental noise which we allow to distract us from listening to our Source.  First, I set a positive motivation, asking for what I want, being clear that my wanting comes from a place of love and not from a place of ego.  If I am seeking to please others so they will love me, or trying to prove I’m worthy, I know this is not a pure motivation.  If necessary, I re-set my intentions and then sit in meditation, allowing space for whatever needs to come forward.  If I don’t stop talking, I cannot hear.  Active listening is allowing, as opposed to waiting to speak, which is just ego thinking that what it has to say is so much more important.  One of the greatest acts of love is to listen to others, giving them your complete and undivided attention, without interruption.  Allowing others the space to communicate their feelings is a beautiful gift.  Meditation is the act of gifting yourself this space.