Category Archives: marriage

A LOVE STORY….REVISTED. HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY.

Wedding

He recognised her.

As she sat there, unaware, he recognised her.

He felt he could spend his whole life with her,

even before he met her eyes.

They’d never encountered each other before, not in this life.

Yet, somehow he knew.

She turned and looked at him.

Saw him for the first time and recognised him too.

There was so much beauty in that moment, in the knowing.

But she was broken,

a wounded child.

Hiding behind bravado,

playing the part of a whole woman.

He wasn’t fooled,

he was touched.

Touched by her vulnerability,

well concealed, but there.

He was happy to play the hero,

a role well practised.

She was content to stay broken,

it was so familiar.

Like a well-loved teddy bear,

she held her broken close to her heart.

With enduring patience,

he nurtured her,

loved her,

fed her spirit.

She was a force,

fighting him every step of the way.

Clinging so tightly,

yet pushing him away.

Unable to trust, to open,

to let him in.

Her mask was off

and she punished him for seeing her.

His heart was expansive,

enough to hold them both.

He held on, resolute 

and with absolute clarity.

She became whole again…

Unbroken, healed.

She spread her wings and soared so high,

he lost sight of her.

He wondered if she’d return.

But she did come back.

Taking his hand, she led him away with her.

They flew through the heavens,

taking a serpentine route through hell.

They created a life together,

abundant, dynamic….whole.

Theirs was a transcendent love,

limited only by fear… a foe to vanquish,

a devious liar to be silenced.

The age of harmony has begun.

Nestled together, the lovers’ hearts aligned.

Infused with light…bliss…faith.

The searching is over.

They had found each other… again.

And the love story continues.

Everlasting.

A Love Story…. from the other side.

Wedding

Today, my husband, Jeff, and I celebrate 16 years of marriage.  It amazes me how fast it’s gone by, and yet seems like a lifetime together….many lifetimes, in fact.  It’s been a roller coaster of ups, downs, twists and turns.  We’ve had our fights, been total strangers to each other at times, we’ve mentally packed our bags and survived an epic move halfway across the world from California to New Zealand, and even major house renovations.  We’ve also shared unbelievable joys, like the births of our two beautiful children, our triumphs over fears and obstacles, our personal successes and our mutual quest for knowledge and spiritual growth.  I look forward to growing old with Jeff and the many joyous moments yet to come.

So now, with Jeff’s permission, I’d like to share with you our love story, from his perspective, along with a re-publishing of my love poem to him.

“To my loving wife,

I will always love you.  From the beginning of time, I have loved you.  Until the end of time, I will love you.

In this human life, I will always cherish you.  I vow to treat you with love, generosity, compassion, consideration and loyalty.  I vow to be courteous, faithful, kind and respectful.  I vow to respect your wisdom, your wishes and your words.  I vow to support you and our family to the best of my ability.  I will honour these vows in this life until death becomes me.

Because I am human, my fallible mind savours the delicious moments of passion and warmth in our earthly union, whether they be real or delusional. Because I am human, my fallible mind will suffer greatly from the loss of our union, whether the loss be real or delusional.  I will endeavour to refrain from such delusional thoughts in times of weakness.

Thank you for your your compassion and understanding.  I am so proud of you.

Love always,

Your loving husband”

heart copy

A Love Poem….for my husband,

He recognised her.

As she sat there, unaware, he recognised her.

He felt he could spend his whole life with her,

even before he met her eyes.

They’d never encountered each other, not in this life.

Yet, somehow he knew.

She turned and looked at him.

Saw him for the first time and recognised him too.

There was so much beauty in that moment, in the knowing.

But she was broken,

a wounded child.

Hiding behind bravado,

playing the part of a whole woman.

He wasn’t fooled,

he was touched.

Touched by her vulnerability,

well concealed, but there.

He was happy to play the hero,

a role well practised.

She was content to stay broken,

it was so familiar.

Like a well-loved teddy bear,

she held her broken close to her heart.

With enduring patience,

he nurtured her,

loved her,

fed her spirit.

She was a force,

fighting him every step of the way.

Clinging so tightly,

yet pushing him away.

Unable to trust, to open,

to let him in.

Her mask was off

and she punished him for seeing her.

His heart was expansive,

enough to hold them both.

He held on, resolute

and with absolute clarity.

She was whole again…

Unbroken, healed.

She spread her wings and soared so high,

he lost sight of her.

He wondered if she’d return.

But she did come back.

Taking his hand, she led him away with her.

They flew through the heavens,

taking a serpentine route through hell.

They created a life together,

abundant, dynamic….whole.

Theirs was a transcendent love,

limited only by fear… a foe to vanquish,

a devious liar to be silenced.

The age of harmony has begun.

Nestled together, the lovers’ hearts aligned.

Infused with light…bliss…faith.

The searching is over.

They had found each other… again.

And the love story continues.

Everlasting.

A LOVE STORY….

Image

He recognised her.

As she sat there, unaware, he recognised her.

He felt he could spend his whole life with her,

even before he met her eyes.

They’d never encountered each other, not in this life.

Yet, somehow he knew.

She turned and looked at him.

Saw him for the first time and recognised him too.

There was so much beauty in that moment, in the knowing.

But she was broken,

a wounded child.

Hiding behind bravado,

playing the part of a whole woman.

He wasn’t fooled,

he was touched.

Touched by her vulnerability,

well concealed, but there.

He was happy to play the hero,

a role well practised.

She was content to stay broken,

it was so familiar.

Like a well-loved teddy bear,

she held her broken close to her heart.

With enduring patience,

he nurtured her,

loved her,

fed her spirit.

She was a force,

fighting him every step of the way.

Clinging so tightly,

yet pushing him away.

Unable to trust, to open,

to let him in.

Her mask was off

and she punished him for seeing her.

His heart was expansive,

enough to hold them both.

He held on, resolute 

and with absolute clarity.

She was whole again…

Unbroken, healed.

She spread her wings and soared so high,

he lost sight of her.

He wondered if she’d return.

But she did come back.

Taking his hand, she led him away with her.

They flew through the heavens,

taking a serpentine route through hell.

They created a life together,

abundant, dynamic….whole.

Theirs was a transcendent love,

limited only by fear… a foe to vanquish,

a devious liar to be silenced.

The age of harmony has begun.

Nestled together, the lovers’ hearts aligned.

Infused with light…bliss…faith.

The searching is over.

They had found each other… again.

And the love story continues.

Everlasting.

Newton’s Laws of Drama….I mean, Motion.

Lately I’ve become very interested in Physics and how they relate to my marriage.  Newton’s 3 Laws of Motion seem to coincide nicely with the nature of drama.  Bear with me as I explore this further.

Newton’s 1st Law of Motion, called the Law of Inertia, says that an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.  Newton’s 2nd Law of Motion (Force=mass x acceleration) says that an object with a certain velocity maintains that velocity unless a force acts on it to cause an acceleration, which means to me:  Love=emotion x drama.

Here’s an example of how these first 2 laws apply to my relationship:  When everything is going smoothly in my marriage, and I actually allow that to continue, my marriage is a happy one (at rest = no drama).  However, my nature is to not let this last for very long.  I can become quite an “unbalanced force” (thank you menopause!) and will abruptly change the speed and direction of our lives without any consultation, whatsoever, with my husband.  This acceleration greatly changes the velocity of our relationship.  He’s expected to just keep up, no questions asked.  As you might imagine, this creates a wee bit of tension.  I’m not entirely sure where this insatiable need for drama comes from.  I get that a lot of it is just simple hormonal surges, but surely there’s more at play here.  I know plenty of menopausal-aged women who seem quite balanced and content.  Are they all great actors or is there a tendency toward drama that’s more pronounced in some and less in others?

I spend a great deal of time analysing this drama phenomenon.  I’ve discussed this with a lot of my girlfriends, who all agree there is something quite seductive about a good dose of drama, although as grown women we’re not supposed to feel that way anymore.  In the absence of any real drama in our own relationships, we find others’ drama quite delicious.  I guess that helps to explain the gossip connection.  But what is the actual (or perceived) payoff in engaging in a good dose of drama?

Historically, for me, it served many functions.  It staved off boredom.  I was taught well by chick flicks that contentment and an easy friendship with a man are NOT sexy.  Nice guys who adore and cherish us are booorrring. I was trained to believe that lots of conflict and drama in a relationship creates passion, which in turn equates to true love. And let’s not forget the thrill of the chase.  Being unsure about how someone feels about you and the insecurity that comes with it causes that flip-flopping feeling in the stomach which is often mistaken for love. When, suddenly, all that adoring and cherishing goes away, it is all you can think about and all you want. The animal-instinct to chase it ensues.  Then there good old-fashioned self-doubt.  I had the very wrong idea that I didn’t deserve adoration and cherishing.  I thought, eventually, he’ll figure out that I’m not so great after all and split.  I decided the best answer was to drive him away by being the worst version of myself and then I would get the added benefit of “victim” drama.  This is where I get to whinge to all my friends about what a jerk he was (and they would all agree) and I never had to look at my own culpability.

I’d like to tell you I’ve matured and have no more need for all this drama.  Well, that’s just not true.  I don’t engage in it the same way I used to, but it’s still a factor.  This leads me to Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion:  For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.  I like to call this, “The Pissing Contest.”  It looks something like this…..  He’s being grumpy and I ask him why he’s so grumpy and he says he isn’t grumpy, that I’m being the grumpy one.  I tell him I was perfectly happy until his grumpiness caused me to become grumpy.  He says he was perfectly fine beforehand and is simply reacting to my grumpiness.  On and on it goes until we’re not speaking to each other anymore. Hours turn to days and days turn to weeks.  The drama phenomenon has been activated.  My husband knows me all too well and that I’m likely packing my bags in my head.  Old habits die hard, I reckon.  He’s come to expect that and no longer really worries that I’ll actually leave.  At this point, I’ve usually forgotten what I’m even angry about, probably because there was no good reason to begin with.  In my head, of course, I’m using the tried and true anthem of the 4 year old…. “but HE started it!”  My overdeveloped pride keeps me from just calling a truce and apologising, although for what I’m not really sure.  I’m ashamed to admit that it’s generally him who puts down the sword and comes forward with all that annoying logic and reason saying that it doesn’t matter who started it.  Isn’t is more important to just be happy?  Isn’t that what we all want?  Ironically enough, we were happy before all this unnecessary drama started.  Why this ridiculous detour?

There’s only one answer…..Physics!